As is my custom for trips I pipelined several dates via online for my NYC trip. This lets me hit the ground running with a solid pipeline and ensures I don’t get thirsty from a dry spell. I start to feel it after a few days of not getting laid.
As with every other trip I do outside of SF, dating felt on easy mode. I could feel the difference in marketplaces and had to calibrate my approach a bit. There were less flakes and all my lays were on the first date, not the second. I got way more IOI’s as well.
Like anywhere else, a man in Manhattan definitely needs to both have value and have game, but there are many more opportunities and it simply just doesn’t take as much persistence or work.
Here’s how things went for me:
Girl 1 – 23 year old student originally from Oklahoma. My first night in New York and it was a brutal 4 degrees F outside (-16 C). I had her holding my hands most of the date to help warm me up which was good kino. Ran my standard first date model at a local bar, and felt it was on so I bounced her to a 2nd bar nearby, which became my favorite venue after this date. I spent a bit too much time with her in bar 2 and we lost some momentum, and by the end I opted not to bounce her home. Not sure why I passed up a likely lay, but I wasn’t in the mood. I wasn’t dressed well for the cold.
Girl 2 – 28 year old Costa Rican who admitted that she is dying to meet a man with whom she could be submissive with. Somehow submissive girls always recognize me for the dominant I am. Good conversation on a 1 hour first date. I opted to do the two date model with her based on calibration and her age, but ended up cancelling with her during my date with Girl 4 below.
Had my one of my regular SF girls “Little Me” come in for a 36 hour visit. I wanted to set the precedent for short trips as we’ll likely be in different cities in the near future. We fucked all weekend and hit some great restaurants as well as the museum of sex. One downside I found with NYC is the public restrooms don’t lend themselves as well to pulling your girl in for a quickie, which is a favorite pastime I got Little Me hooked on. Sigh…there is no pussy paradise.
Girl 3 – 23 year old student. Saw her the Sunday evening the day Little Me left for home. Girl 3 flaked on me twice during my first week during the period of extreme cold (as did several others), but she begged me for a third chance. I had nothing else booked so I gave it to her. We met at a local bar and this was one of the strongest “it’s on” moments I’ve ever had. Sometimes you’re just a girl’s type. She was 5’9″ and tall girls always love my 6’3 frame so maybe that helped. I had to slow the date down to get to about a 45 minute mark before I bounced her to my apartment since I didn’t want to deal with ASD at my place. She asked to take a shower after we got to my place, and then we fucked right away when she came out in a towel. No ASD, and I opted not to see her again.
Girl 4 – 22 year old restaurant hostess. Grew up on the lower east side. Was planning on running my standard two date model as I had a date 2 planned later that evening to close Girl 2. But once again things felt “on” from the beginning. It started slow but the click was definitely there, so with the attraction there I opted to bounce her to another bar to build comfort, and I canceled my date 2 with girl 2 (younger and hotter always wins). Lots of good kino and we’d have several random moments of intense eye contact, her with her lips open. Again the bounce to my place was easy and no ASD. Ironically I ended up flaking on her on a Friday night date 3 days later when things went well with girl 6 below. But other than her calling me “naughty” she happily came out for another date with me on my last night in New York. She also sent me the text I copied into this post the morning I left. This girl fucked like a pornstar and wanted to do things for me to earn her favorite reward, me calling her a “good girl”. Increasingly I’ve been deeply saying “good girl” as a reward when girls do something that pleases me. I did this in the texting with miss Kuala Lumpur which I believe helped me get the lay, and Miss Singapore even asked out loud once “why does that hit my pleasure center so much?!”. I really do love girls and how they are.
Girl 5- 25 year old freelancer from Connecticut. She was just my type physically, and had a sweetness to her that I liked. My read on her was that she was more “K” selected (close to her family, shares apartment with her sister, no tatoos, etc), so I opted for a 2 date model and cut the first date short after an hour. We were both free the next date so I opted to do a dinner date at a restaurant. In the end she wouldn’t bounce to my place for “one last drink” so I wrote her off. I was disappointed to waste an evening on her, but I’d have taken the night off otherwise anyway.
Girl 6 – just turned 18 year old art student from Brooklyn. A petite 5’1″ girl with a nice round booty, this girl was by far my favorite of the trip. We had a Friday afternoon coffee date since she was so far underage. We had clicked well in texting, this girl has one of the best senses of humor of any one I’ve met. Our banter was great but there was a strong man/woman vibe. After an hour at the cafe I was going to end the date and head out for an evening planned with girl 4, but girl 6 asked me, “what are we doing next?” so I rolled with it and bounced her to what was now my favorite bar in the east village, one block from my place. The staff knew me well by this time so didn’t bother to card, and we continued our vibe over a nice drink (I had a virgin drink, and the art student indulged in a nice cocktail). After another hour with some good kino and escalation I suggested she try the nice Bordeaux I had at my place and she agreed. I cancelled my date with Girl 4 right before we planned to begin so I could keep momentum with Girl 6 (younger and hotter always wins). Being younger I could see that Girl 6 she was a bit nervous knowing what that meant. I gave her more time to roam around my apartment that I normally do, although I teased her comparing her to a nervous little kitten. It was rather fun watching her settle the nerves and make her inner decision of whether or not to fuck me, I watched with a bit of a grin from the couch confident in the inevitable as I let her settle in. She then sat across from me on the coffee table rather than next to me on the couch, a clear sign that she needed to build comfort. One of the advantages to being older is that I’m never in a hurry and I just relaxed and let her do what she needed, I think she felt this and it relaxed her. It’s no big deal to me if I don’t get laid on any given night because I always have a rotation, and girls can feel this. The art student started asking me questions like, “do you live here or in SF?”, “do you only date young girls?” etc and of course I answered them all truthfully but tactfully. It’s funny but girls rarely ask me questions on dates, instead I lead the conversation but asking questions and letting them talk about themselves. The questions here was much like the text questions I was getting from girls in Bangkok prior to first dates, I smiled at the parallel. When it finally felt right I pulled her across from the table into my lap as I sit on the couch and started kissing her. Within about 30 seconds she panted “do you want to fuck me?” and I answered by simply picking her up and carrying her to the bed all the while I was kissing her. We fucked twice that night and twice the next day. Lots of vibing and fun conversation in between and not to much sleep. We did it again two days later for a 2nd date. She’s one I’ll keep in touch with for my return to NY. She reminds me of the Stanford girl in dated in 2017, but this one was sweeter.
Girl 7 – 20 year old sorority girl from Rutgers. We had good banter via texting and had also done a short skype call (which I cut short as always). Date started well but it became apparent this girl was a bit insecure and liked to banter / accuse a bit too much. When I moved things on to comfort she would keep moving things back to the banter phase, but in a way that didn’t feel sexual. I ended the date after an hour and wrote her off.
I didn’t keep track but my memory is that I had three girls flake on me, all in the first week of extreme cold. I flaked on two girls an hour before the date (girls 2 & 4 above), and I cancelled on maybe 3 or 4 others at various points when I was too tired to pursue. This came from me having to calibrate to the NYC market, I’m used to girls flaking more in other cities so I was double booking evenings. I also didn’t expect every lay to be a date 1 lay but girls in NYC don’t seem to hesitate once they know they want you.
All of the above was from online, which is as good in NYC as anywhere I’ve been. I did do a handful of daygame sets with Runner. I number closed a cute blonde in SoHo but the number flaked (I approached off her huge IOI but then she was in a hurry after I stacked and so the interaction was way too short). Did a second daygame session at the end of my trip with Runner in Penn station at night due to the cold, but the options were slim and frankly I was all fucked out from the girls above.
Your value. In game you are the product. The more you build your value (confidence, charm, charisma, physique, fashion, influence and social connections, sexual abilities, etc) the more women will want you. If you’re not attractive the best game in the world will do you no good
Your actual game. This is sales of you as the product. If you have high value but don’t approach women you won’t get laid. They need to learn about you in an attractive way, and then you need to lead them from interest to close. You need a systemic way of doing this (nightgame, daygame, online, social circle) and manage this whole sales funnel like a process. To Red Quest’s point this is the part most men focus on. In part I think a lot of lazy guys are looking for “game hacks” so they can avoid the hard work of building value which takes years.
Your dating market. Are there a lot of attractive younger women relative to men where you live? I see now that I’ve made things much harder for myself by living most of my life in the worst counties in the country for men to date. It likely contributed to me getting married as young as I did. But on the plus side I doubt I’d have developed my game skills as much as I have if SF wasn’t such a tough market for men.
I feel I’ve maximized my value as much as I can. At 44 my fight is to preserve what I’ve built. I’ve got room to improve my game but I’d say I’m solid at this point.
Five years ago this month I was debating a decision. Should I leave my marriage and move to San Francisco, or should I stay in San Jose with my wife of 13 years. In the end the decision was clear and I moved to SF in March of 2014 and filed for divorce.
Five years later and I’ve found myself at a similar decision on where to live. Since my 2017 trips to Miami and Tokyo, I’ve been traveling as much as I can to find myself a new home base. My focus has been Asia, since I know western Europe well enough already from my years in London that I don’t want to live there.
The trips to Asia have taught me that I don’t like the tropical heat and that I prefer large, developed cities. Outside of Tokyo, Singapore, or possibly KL – Asia is not for me…at least for now.
Which is what brought me to NYC. This was my 6th lifetime trip, and every prior trip left me wanting more. The goal of this trip was to test drive New York at its worst. If I can be happier in NYC in the dead of winter it’s a clear upgrade from SF. And that’s exactly how it went.
As I’m writing this in the airport on the way home, as in 2014 in retrospect it feels like I’ve taken too long to make this decision. But here we are.
The start of the trip was rough due to the extreme 4 degree Fahrenheit (-16 Celsius) weather where it was painful to be outside. The winter gear I brought for the trip was woefully inadequate, and the 2nd floor walkup airbnb I rented in the East Village was poorly heated.
It took me about a week to get used to things, but as the weather got better and I bought better gear things fell in to place. I got what I wanted, NYC at its worst. And I’ve coming away feeling that NYC is home, just as in my past trips.
People make decisions based on emotion. We rationalize them later with facts. It’s true even for logical INTJ’s like myself. I remember I was talking to Red Quest over lunch about New York and it just hit me as I was talking that I’d made the decision.
Since then I’ve increasingly felt better and better about it. But here’s my list of why NYC is a better home base for me:
NYC is cleaner. I didn’t see any human shit or sleeping junkies on the streets. I didn’t see a single drug dealer on the streets. There were way less homeless even though NYC has way more people.
NYC is more walkable. This is a big deal for me and my ongoing pain issues, as sitting in a car aggravates my injuries.
NYC feels about 10% cheaper, both rents and cost of living. I can move here with no impact to my day job and get paid the same. I’ll be running the numbers in detail come tax time next month.
NYC is bigger. This is obvious, but it translates into more quantities of whatever type of thing you’re in to. There’s more to experience.
NYC has a better male/female ratio. Red Quest recommended the book, “Dateonomics” which I’ve read. In it is actual data. SF has 40K college grad women aged 22-29, with 42K men in the same demographic. Manhattan has 115k college grad women aged 22-29 and only 83K men in the same demographic. There are more single women then men, and just more women in general. You can simply see it on the street. I get IOI’s in NYC everywhere I go. Girls also flake less and are generally easier to sleep with. I’ve broken down my dating experience for this trip on a separate post
SF has very few extremely attractive women. These are still rare in NYC, but they exist. The opportunity is there to meet them via daygame, as I found when out with Runner.
Finally one of the best things about this trip were the solid guys I got to meet up with. Nash introduced me to his wing Runner, and we did two daygame sessions, and I met some of his wings as well.
I had a couple of great dinners with my friend J, and I met up with Red Quest, and then Red Quest and Long Burn the Fire as well. Lots of great conversation, I look forward to catching up more with all of these great guys when I return.
There is no endgame for me. I want the player’s life of freedom now more than ever, and I don’t feel any need for kids. I still will be focused on exploring eastern Europe this year and in the future, there may be places I prefer to NYC. I haven’t been east of Prague and that will change with my trip to Poland this May.
But in the meantime NYC is a clear upgrade and a great home base for my future adventures. I’ll be making the move this summer.
I’m sitting in the San Francisco airport waiting out a weather delay on my flight to NYC. I’ll be staying at an airbnb there for the next three weeks in the my neighborhood of choice.
I’m flying into a snowstorm and not a lot of people would choose to leave a warm winter city like SF to spend three weeks in the snow and cold, especially since I’ve barely gotten over the jetlag from spending three weeks abroad in Cambodia, Thailand, and Malaysia.
But I’m a man on a mission to find a better home base that SF and after all my recent travels the past two years NYC is my leading candidate for now.
The recent trip to Southeast Asia was successful for me since I was able to rule out that region as a place I would enjoy living, despite my success with women there. It’s simply too hot and uncomfortable, and you end up spending all of your time indoors at malls to avoid the heat.
I’ve been all over the US and Western Europe (I lived in London for two years and traveled weekly in Europe and the Middle East for work), and from the hundreds of trips to those cities I can safely say NYC is the only city I enjoy at least as much as my native SF. I’ve been to NY five times, including three times in the last two years, but I’ve never been for more than a week and I’ve never been in the dead of winter.
The purpose of this trip is to put New York to the test. If I enjoy in the dead of winter as much as I have on past trips then I will make the move in August when my lease in SF expires.
Here are the advantages I see with New York over SF:
It’s a bigger city with more to do, and a bigger dating pool.
It has the best male / female ratio of any large city in the US. I’ve experienced this first hand…I got closed three new girls in 5 days during my last trip to NY in May. I’ve also gone on dates (but didn’t close) with working models in NY. These girls simple don’t exist in SF.
NY is the best US city for daygame.
NY has a lot of attractive girls from Eastern Europe which are my favorite. These girls barely exist in SF.
I’ve lived in San Francisco for five years now and frankly it’s feeling a bit too familiar. I’ve got memories on almost every single corner.
NY puts me closer to Eastern Europe, where I will be exploring for alternative home bases over the next few years. I will be in Krakow and Prague in May, with more trips to come.
I work remotely so there is no impact to me professionally, but the timezone will actually make my job easier.
Here are the downsides that I see:
I will have to let go of two of my best regulars of all time, something I’m prepared to do. Nothing lasts forever.
The cost of living is about the same as SF, so I don’t get the improved cash flow that I would if I were to move to just about any other city in the world. I’ll be analyzing the tax impacts this tax season to confirm this.
There may be more tradeoffs I’m not aware of. But this seems like a good tradeoff for me right now. I’ve moved five times within SF in the five years I’ve been divorced as I’ve been experimenting with what works best for me. So this move is a natural extension of the path I’ve been on.
As usual I’ve got a pipeline of five dates scheduled for the first three days I’m there with more to come. I’ll be meeting up with several of my NYC friends while I’m there as well, including for some daygame sessions. It should be a good trip despite the cold.
I’m at the airport waiting for my flight to Kuala Lumpur. Seems the perfect time to look back at my 12 days here in Bangkok. It’s been the core of my trip this year, I prefer to spend more time in fewer cities when I travel. It helps get a sense of the place and also to allow the time to meet and date girls.
I arrived in Bangkok with a fever from my lung infection and as well as stomach sickness. Cambodia was rough on me. But I knew Bangkok was a more modern city and I was determined to hit the dating sites hard to make the most of my time here. A few rounds of antibiotics finally cleared me up around the time I got here so it was game on.
I prefer to pipeline dates before arriving in a city, but with Bangkok I quickly found the Thai girls are flaky and very short term in nature. They like to book dates the day of or the day before, so although I was working tinder, bumble and OKC before I got here all those leads fizzled. As is usual for a new country I also found I needed to calibrate my game more to the locals. I added Thai Cupid to the sites I normally use and learned to adjust my approach using less English and more exchanges in the apps before pitching a date. I also had to book as many dates as possible, knowing that about half would flake the day of.
This brings me to the biggest difference I found with Thai girls verses any other country in which I’ve dated. Once you’ve agreed a date they text you a lot. Most of it is the girl asking a bunch of “comfort” questions such as “you work here?”, “why are you in Thailand?”, “do you have a girlfriend?” etc. In the end I slept with all three Thai girls I met in person with very little ASD. It felt as if they knew they’d want to sleep with me if they came out to meet, so instead they put their ASD into the texting up front. It was interesting to watch and of course I knew how to handle all the questions.
In the 7 days I gamed I had dates with four girls that actually didn’t flake. One was foreign (Kenyan) and the rest where Thai. I slept with all three Thai girls in the space of 5 days, similar to my results in NYC in May. All three were on the 2nd date. All three girls seemed to want to move towards boyfriend / girlfriend soon, more so than in other countries. I Enjoyed my time with all each of these lucky ladies, but I also missed having girls who speak better English (Vietnam, Hong Kong, and Japan were all much better for that), and I could see I wouldn’t be content dating here full time.
The first girl was a very petite 94 pound 22 year old with the body of a teenager and an extremely tight ass. She was very relaxed and admitted her favorite movie stars were Jason Stratham and Vin Diesel. The girl has her type and found it in me. First date was a one hour coffee date and the 2nd date was a drink at my buildings rooftop bar before heading to my room for “just one more drink.”
The 2nd was a slightly older 27 year old who didn’t speak much English. The first and 2nd dates were mostly done via eye contact, me talking with positive energy, and some google translate. A great reminder you really don’t need words to close the deal, the body language and spark between a man and a woman are much more ancient than human language. She was unsure on the 2nd date about sleeping with me, and we had a long eye contact session where she probed into my eyes and made the decision. No words, but I could see it happen as she made her choice. Very sweet.
The third girl was 19 and one of the most attractive girls I saw in Thailand. 5’7″ and 110 pounds. She was in to me from the start, both because I’m tall and we “fit” together, and also because of my frame. She has a very strong personality but I could sense underneath she was still a girl in search of a strong older man she could feel safe with. She fell into my much stronger fame and we just clicked. She mentioned how everyone found her to be a hard bitch in her social circle but with me she was nothing but a sweetheart. Another reminder that women will fall in to your frame as long as it’s real and congruent with you. Her and I had four dates over two days as I wanted to maximize the time with her before Miss Singapore arrive for my last four days and I shifted to spending all my time with her.
On the whole I found Bangkok a hot mess. Way too crowded, hot, and chaotic for me to be comfortable living there. My take is that it is highly over rated even compared to Saigon, but that westerners rate it highly because it’s cheap and because of the sex industry there. With this trip I have ruled out southeast Asia as a place where I would want to live part or all of the year. But despite the initial calibration frustration the girls I met made up for the roughness of the place. Besides the two girls in Singapore I’ve met over the last year these were some of my favorite girls yet on any of my travels.
I’m currently in the middle of a three week trip through Cambodia, Thailand, and Malaysia. Every year my company does a two week holiday shutdown where we are forced to take vacation time. I’ve found that it’s incredibly boring and lonely in San Francisco during that time, everyone goes home to the families and everything is closed. It’s also the worst time of year to meet new women. So I use the opportunity to travel and explore the world instead.
Last year I had a tremendous trip to Singapore and Vietnam, together with one of my closest friends. I met one of my favorite girls of all time, a 19 year old Singaporean medical student, and we had a week long mini romance that I will always remember even though I’ll never see her again. I also met the girl I call “miss Saigon”, a gorgeous 18 year old Vietnamese girl, who I saw again on my fall trip to Vietnam. These two girls, plus the 3 weeks of adventure, reminded me of the big world out there that I have not been seeing due to my hip injury limiting my air travel for many years. The fact that I was twice able to meet and build a connection with a very attractive girl within a week of being in each country also was a stark reminder to me that dating in San Francisco is one of the worst locations for men, given the supply of men vs women. It just gets better most anywhere else.
The trip at the end of 2017 made me consider a move to the region. My goal for this trip in 2018, along with my follow up trips to Hong Kong, Singapore and Vietnam this fall, was to see if I’d really want to make the move to the region, and to explore candidate countries. That and enjoying a bit of travel game was my goal. I’ve always been fascinated with the temples at Angkor Wat and I heard Cambodia was a bit of the “wild wild east” and so had to give it a look for myself. I also wanted to check out Bangkok and Kuala Lumpur, as both have relatively easy residence visa programs. So the trip was set.
I prefer to pipeline dates online before I hit a new city. That way my first few days are filled with coffee and bar dates, and from these I can zero in on 1-2 girls I like to close. If daygame or nightgame provides more leads I add them to the list, but I find the pipeline approach is the best way to ensure I meet cute girls quickly in a new city. Talking with Nash at Days of Game who only does daygame confirms this, he finds it takes 2-3 weeks to typically start closing leads from daygame which makes sense. My travel schedule doesn’t permit me to invest that much time in a city so online is the way for me.
This trip I quickly found that online game in Cambodia is almost non-existent. I’m not sure if this is because of low levels of English, or that the girls who are open to date foreigners all work as bar girls and pro’s. But there just were not many girls on any of the dating apps. So I hit the nightclub and bar areas guys mentioned from the forums and quickly found all the attractive girls in these bars were pro’s. I tried my hand at getting a few to leave with me but they all wanted pay for play. I walked around the streets looking for bars that weren’t hooker bars, but everything I saw was bar girls and pros, and a pair of ladyboys even tried approaching me on the street.
The second day went better. A local girl slid into my instagram DM’s and I invited her over to my hotel for a swim. She was nice but unfortunately not up to my standards, so I used the opportunity to learn about good nightlife venues. My friend and I then went to the nicest sky bar in town that night to take in the view and to avoid the hookers. Great sunset view, and sure enough I spotted a cute girl drinking by herself which made for an easy opener. I managed to pull her to my hotel bar for a second drink. But I couldn’t pull her up to my place to “see the amazing view”. So it goes.
The third day though I woke up with a lung infection and spent the next 24 hours in bed with a fever. So much for my time in Phnom Penh. My friend and I went to Siem Reap and spent the next three days visiting the temples. It was hot and humid and I had a fever but I toughed it out, sleeping my way to recovery.
I did not close a Cambodian girl in Cambodia (I have closed a Cambodian american girl back home). I’d have needed to spend more time in Phnom Penh and learn where the locals hang out, and focused on day game and night game. But despite the challenges and the pain of being sick the temples were well worthwhile. And the whole week I knew 12 days in Bangkok was next on the itinerary.