I had the privilege of being one of the men that the Red Quest asked to provide input on the manuscript for his book, “Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game“. He’s finished the book in part with my input and is now giving the book away for free (downloadable at the link).
It’s a unique book based on his years of experience in the sex club / swinger scene in his city. In the first half of the book he covers why a man would want to include sex clubs as part of his game, and in the second half of the book he shares lots of specific examples from his own dating life.
Personally I haven’t had direct experience with sex clubs. I’ve had FFM threesomes, and I once took a 22 year old I was dating to a sex club here in San Francisco. But we left after 10 minutes, the club was slow and frankly we didn’t like the looks of anyone else there. So I was curious to read Red Quest’s take on this scene and how to integrate it into non-monogamous relationship management.
As I’ve written about here and here, it’s your role as a man to lead your woman. Lead her experience and take her to places she’s never been before. Doing this right I’ve been able to keep the attractive women I want in my life, without having to promise monogamy. Women want to be lead by an exciting lover as a means for them to experience the world. And I can see from “Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game” that sex clubs could be part of your larger game in doing this leading…if you had the skills and inclination.
After reading this book, here are the positives I see for bringing your girls to sex clubs:
you frame yourself as top tier lover because you’ve opened her to experiences she’s only fantasized about but would never make happen on her own
her attraction for you can increase as she watches you fuck other girls (preselection at its most primal)
you can leverage her for variety both by swapping her with other couples and also having her recruit other girls for you
the sex club scene in your city becomes a long term “ecosystem” / social circle you can leverage for constantly finding new partners – if you have the social savvy and sex skills to be a top-tier guy in the sex club scene in your city
Here are the downsides I see:
I doubt most guys can pull this off – this is advanced level game and your looks, game, and sex skills need to be on point. You need a strong frame and ability to lead
other guys will try and poach your girl
you have to manage not just your relationship with the girl you bring but your relationship with the other couples you play with
most guys won’t enjoy watching “their” girl fuck other guys…even if it means they get to fuck other girls at the same time
From my very limited experience in San Francisco I’m not convinced there are many attractive women in the sex club scene (I’m picky and prefer petite college aged girls)
I think this is a worthwhile read to any one who’s had some curiosity about the sex club world. There’s value here in reading about Red Quest’s advanced level game in action, even if all you’re looking to do is merge girls you’re already dating into a FFM threesome with you.
My last day in Kuala Lumpur and I scheduled my first date for my 2 day stay here in the afternoon. The texting was good after I demonstrated my frame to her, and she agreed to meet me at my hotel for a drink at 4pm in the afternoon. Knowing this was my last day in town I had to go for the first date lay, but I had a feel that this 21 year old was promising from the texting. I had teased her my saying she has to come with her biggest smile, and she texted me the next day to show me a screenshot of how she put that in her reminders on her phone (“come with a big smile”). Game on.
We met in the lobby and I led her to the bar. She ordered a gin and tonic while I had my normal sparkling water since I prefer not to drink alcohol. More good signs. She was nervous in a good way and I fractionated right away between verbal escalations (“what type of guys do you like?”, “what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”, and “what do you like about me?”) and basic get to know you talk. All the while I also escalated the kino, touching the ring on her hand, touching her earlobe as I noticed out loud she had no earring, and holding her hand to compare how big mine is relative to hers.
She gave me a great opening to set the secret society tone in saying how everyone thought she was innocent when she’s not, and I used the opportunity to talk about how I don’t like the double standard that gets applied to women, where they have to pretend to be good girls and not sexual beings, and that no one should be judged for having sex as it’s a health part of life and we are all sexual people. I truly believe this, and I find this is a key message to convey on every first date and goes a long way in making a girl comfortable in fucking you if the attraction is also there.
After about 45 minutes as she finished most of her drink, I suggested that before she heads out that she try some of the nice dark chocolate I have in my room. “OK” she chirped happily, and up we went. I asked her to take off her shoes and left her alone a few minutes as I used the restroom, and found her standing by the window admiring the city view when I came out. Standing beside her we talked about the view and how short she is to me (150cm to my 191cm), so she stood on the low window still so we were standing face to face, and we started to kiss. It was so on the whole time I slowed things down just a tad to ensure she had enough foreplay and to also pre-empt any ASD that might pop up. None ever did. With ten minutes of making out she was on her knees sucking my dick and then onto the bed to fuck like animals.
A very submissive girl. They seem to know how to find me. She later said she could just tell I was dominant from the start. I used my belt to tie her up as I did her doggy, making her say how she’s my little slut as I fucked her hard (I made her pussy bleed onto the sheets and she wasn’t on her period). I came looking straight in her eyes. It was a great first new girl of the year and a good welcome to Malaysia. We cuddled a bit afterwards and she kept foundling my cock, and in about 20 minutes we went again for round 2. She was too sore to fuck again but gladly volunteered to suck me off and put a lot of heart in to it. Submissive girls love to please.
We didn’t have any chocolate until afterwards when I walked her down to her car with her wearing her cute little sun dress that she came in. It was a sweet ending to a very nice afternoon. The entire date end to end was about two and a half hours. She was off to dinner with family and drinks with friends that night. We’ll likely never see each other again.
This is the secret society and how most girls like to be at least for one phase of their young adult lives. Consequence free sex with a man who won’t judge them and who they can tell can deliver the goods. Be that man.
I’m at the airport waiting for my flight to Kuala Lumpur. Seems the perfect time to look back at my 12 days here in Bangkok. It’s been the core of my trip this year, I prefer to spend more time in fewer cities when I travel. It helps get a sense of the place and also to allow the time to meet and date girls.
I arrived in Bangkok with a fever from my lung infection and as well as stomach sickness. Cambodia was rough on me. But I knew Bangkok was a more modern city and I was determined to hit the dating sites hard to make the most of my time here. A few rounds of antibiotics finally cleared me up around the time I got here so it was game on.
I prefer to pipeline dates before arriving in a city, but with Bangkok I quickly found the Thai girls are flaky and very short term in nature. They like to book dates the day of or the day before, so although I was working tinder, bumble and OKC before I got here all those leads fizzled. As is usual for a new country I also found I needed to calibrate my game more to the locals. I added Thai Cupid to the sites I normally use and learned to adjust my approach using less English and more exchanges in the apps before pitching a date. I also had to book as many dates as possible, knowing that about half would flake the day of.
This brings me to the biggest difference I found with Thai girls verses any other country in which I’ve dated. Once you’ve agreed a date they text you a lot. Most of it is the girl asking a bunch of “comfort” questions such as “you work here?”, “why are you in Thailand?”, “do you have a girlfriend?” etc. In the end I slept with all three Thai girls I met in person with very little ASD. It felt as if they knew they’d want to sleep with me if they came out to meet, so instead they put their ASD into the texting up front. It was interesting to watch and of course I knew how to handle all the questions.
In the 7 days I gamed I had dates with four girls that actually didn’t flake. One was foreign (Kenyan) and the rest where Thai. I slept with all three Thai girls in the space of 5 days, similar to my results in NYC in May. All three were on the 2nd date. All three girls seemed to want to move towards boyfriend / girlfriend soon, more so than in other countries. I Enjoyed my time with all each of these lucky ladies, but I also missed having girls who speak better English (Vietnam, Hong Kong, and Japan were all much better for that), and I could see I wouldn’t be content dating here full time.
The first girl was a very petite 94 pound 22 year old with the body of a teenager and an extremely tight ass. She was very relaxed and admitted her favorite movie stars were Jason Stratham and Vin Diesel. The girl has her type and found it in me. First date was a one hour coffee date and the 2nd date was a drink at my buildings rooftop bar before heading to my room for “just one more drink.”
The 2nd was a slightly older 27 year old who didn’t speak much English. The first and 2nd dates were mostly done via eye contact, me talking with positive energy, and some google translate. A great reminder you really don’t need words to close the deal, the body language and spark between a man and a woman are much more ancient than human language. She was unsure on the 2nd date about sleeping with me, and we had a long eye contact session where she probed into my eyes and made the decision. No words, but I could see it happen as she made her choice. Very sweet.
The third girl was 19 and one of the most attractive girls I saw in Thailand. 5’7″ and 110 pounds. She was in to me from the start, both because I’m tall and we “fit” together, and also because of my frame. She has a very strong personality but I could sense underneath she was still a girl in search of a strong older man she could feel safe with. She fell into my much stronger fame and we just clicked. She mentioned how everyone found her to be a hard bitch in her social circle but with me she was nothing but a sweetheart. Another reminder that women will fall in to your frame as long as it’s real and congruent with you. Her and I had four dates over two days as I wanted to maximize the time with her before Miss Singapore arrive for my last four days and I shifted to spending all my time with her.
On the whole I found Bangkok a hot mess. Way too crowded, hot, and chaotic for me to be comfortable living there. My take is that it is highly over rated even compared to Saigon, but that westerners rate it highly because it’s cheap and because of the sex industry there. With this trip I have ruled out southeast Asia as a place where I would want to live part or all of the year. But despite the initial calibration frustration the girls I met made up for the roughness of the place. Besides the two girls in Singapore I’ve met over the last year these were some of my favorite girls yet on any of my travels.
I believe there are two main romantic templates between men and women. They come from childhood and are hard wired into the human brain. And I believe this sheds some light on what guys ado wrong these days and also hat we as men can do right.
For lack of better words to describe the two romantic templates (dynamics) a man can experience with a woman are:
mommy / son
daughter / daddy
Women experience the same two but I’ll explain it from the man’s perspective since that’s what I know. We grow up as boys experience unconditional love from our mother (hopefully – if she didn’t provide this then the boy is fucked). A healthy mother loves you no matter what, and takes care of you. As it should be.
The problem is that when boys grow up and start dating and start looking for this mommy / son dynamic in the women they date. Your girlfriend or wife is not your mother. She can never love you unconditionally, only instead for what you ring to her life. Most guys don’t understand this, and it is trying to make this dynamic work that is the dynamic of the beta male.
The other romantic dynamic is daughter / daddy. This is not meant as an Electra complex but in that you are the man and you lead. You are older and more experienced and you take care of things and also set boundaries.
A father does not rely on his daughter to take care of him or provide support, he does this for her. Loving you for playing this role in her life is the only way a woman can love a man that’s not her actual father. And this love is entirely conditional. Unconditional love is saved for her children. This dynamic is what women crave. Whenever I have given this gift to women they are happy. The burden of man is that he had to lead and support, and he can’t burden his women with his problems. In addition it helps to have an air of gravitas and mystery to her, just like she gets from her actual father. This is a deeply ingrained template in our DNA, you can’t deviate from it.
Men can only be loved unconditionally from their actual mother. It’s a burden we bear but I can tell you from hard experience that the joy and feminine energy you will unleash in your women from doing this right offsets that downside. When she trusts you are strong enough to lead this dynamic she will feel safe and blossom with you.
I highly recommend Yoni Balls to teach your women to be more orgasmic. Give them as a gift to any woman you’re dating. All she has to do is wear the one that fits her like a tampon as she goes about her day. Best if she works her way down to smaller ones as she goes. It works by automatically strengthening her pelvic floor muscles. If she sticks with this over a period of a few weeks to months on a daily basis she has a good chance of becoming multi-orgasmic.
One of the girls I’m seeing who I call “Little Me” tried them on the recommendation of one of her fellow yoga instructors. She went from having 1-2 orgasms every time we had sex to having 5-10 every time. That means cumming every few minutes while we fuck. She can now have multiple in a row as well. It’s amazing.
I gave these as gifts to two other girls I’ve been seeing regularly. I enjoy being the one to lead them through experiencing the world in new ways and opening up their sexuality to what is possible for them. This is the right leading frame for male / female polarity in a relationship.
I walked artsy girl from my apartment back to her car. She’s very low key, but this time she had an extra little spring in her step. She’s told me how I bring out her feminine side. This from a girl who’s seduced other girls into being her girlfriend in the past. And truly she’s one of the most feminine girls I’ve ever dated which says a lot. A strong masculine man like me attracts the polar opposite, and it’s that polarity which makes good chemistry between men and women.
But last night was a little extra. There was an extra girlishness in her voice, something she usually keeps hidden. We had our normal fun, dry humor and banter over dinner, and after I gave her two hours of the dominant, rough sex she’s been enjoying with me every week for months. I had her repeat certain sexy things to me while I was fucking her, and my sense is that plus a strong mix of dominance blended with emotional connection, put her over the top. Her arms and legs were quivering quite a lot afterwards, and I teased her because it was cute. I’m not sure whether or not artsy girl has felt this before.
Last night there was just a little extra spark, and it was good. Maybe there’s the added dimension of me being older and experienced and knowing how to lead the dance between us. But I can tell you this feels like how it’s meant to be.