Rules of Retention

@beamanforreal summed up in a tweet something I’ve been thinking about for a while:


Most guys are interested in Game 1.0. Simply getting the girl. Overall, very few guys get to the point where they can get laid with attractive new women consistently. And when guys get finally do get laid they tend to want to “lock her down” either out of scarcity or laziness.

Even players are known to get oneitis for a girl who’s “not like the rest” and want to settle down. It’s a natural tendency for most men at some point. It’s happened to me. But do it wrong and you lose the frame and become beta over time.

I’d say I’m solidly in Game 2.0 above, and starting to experiment with Game 3.0. I’ve been able to keep multiple women that I want to keep around on my own terms (Little me is 20 and have been seeing her for 2 years, artsy girl is 21 and have been seeing her for 1 year, the Singaporean is 29 and have been seeing her for 1 year, girls 4 & 6 from NYC last Feb are ready to meet when I return this summer, etc)

Here then are the rules I’ve developed for keeping the girls I want in my life. There’s a lot underneath and these things are an art and take practice:

  1. You have to have strong frame. She comes into your world or you next her. She has to feel this from you.
  2. You can’t give a fuck. You don’t get jealous or controlling. You have to be willing to walk at any time. You should truly feel that it’s her loss if she doesn’t see you or get time with you.
  3. You have to be sleeping with at least 1-2 other women. Women can tell when they’re your only source of pussy and it’s poison to the proper dynamic. This includes non-verbally letting them feel that you’re with other women but doing little things like living girl hair in your place.
  4. You have to maintain some mystery. Don’t overshare all the details of your life, save that for close friends. Keep her guessing. She has to wonder what you’re doing when you’re not around. Let her mind fill in the blanks.
  5. Being with you has to be a positive experience. Time spent with you is the reward. Mix it up and never do the same thing twice or go to the same places, do what you want to do, but keep things constantly fresh and exciting.
  6. Fuck her good and make her cum. Every time. Mix up the sex and keep it exciting. One time may be a marathon fuck around your place (not just the bedroom), another may be a quickie in a public restroom. One time tie her up and spank her before fucking her, another time keep it more emotional and connective. Again keep her guessing but feeling excitement.
  7. Don’t see them more than once a week. Less is often better. Mix it up and don’t see them the same day of each week every damn time (don’t let her think she’s your “Saturday girl” or whatever). Give her the gift of missing you between the amazing times together. Traveling helps with this, although if you let it go more than 2 weeks or so and you don’t have a strong bond you will lose some from your orbit.
  8. Don’t call or text her except to schedule the next date. I usually text and schedule dates with girls early in the week, and then confirm the day of. That’s it. She should be pinging you more than you ping her. If she’s the type to text you a lot take a day or two before replying once in a while. Your attention is a reward, dole it out randomly and sparingly and she will value it much more. There should be times when she doesn’t hear from you for 3-4 days or more.
  9. Never schedule the next date while you’re with her on the last one. End the date and leave her wondering when she’s going to see you again.
  10. Give her compliance tests that cause her to invest. Make her come to you. Make her bring a dessert when she comes over, or wear a particular thing or do her hair a certain way. Make her do whatever it is you want in the bedroom. Give her little homework assignments. Have her clean your apartment. Give her the gift of pleasing you. This is a foundation for the Game 3.0 above when you get girls to crave your pleasure.
  11. Every 1-2 months throw in a pinch of drama. This is advanced game and needs to be calibrated but if things get too comfortable the passion slides. I’ve had this come up naturally with certain events, but at other times I throw in a little as well to keep things spicey. Women crave and need a little drama just like they crave and need rough sex. You’re giving her a taste of what you want.
  12. There has to be times of genuine connection. It’s not worth bothering with the above if you don’t connect with the girl on a deeper level (for me it’s about 10% of girls, and then many of those I’ve dropped over time). This connection comes naturally so it isn’t so much something you do but something you both feel. But you can’t let it become oneitis or drop any of the above rules. Let her feel that this could grow, but then make her work for it and keep the rewards and progression random.

There’s more to it but I’m not going to put it all in a public blog. Welcome your thoughts and comments.

Having Kids on My Terms – Magnum’s 7 Point Checklist

It seems inevitable. With few exceptions when a player’s been in the game long enough, he starts thinking about settling down in some way or at least having kids.

Guys like Paul Janka have settled in to long term relationships to have kids, and even Krauser mentions in his latest video his goal now is to settle down and have a family.

Maybe there’s a male biological clock of some kind. Maybe the dopamine highs of fucking new girls fades, while at the same time players miss the oxytocin hits of pair-bonding. Or maybe there comes the inevitable realization that life is short and it’s time to leave a legacy of some kind.

Regardless the reason I believe it’s worth thinking about and planning for, so when the desire to have kids comes around you have a plan for how you’ll approach it.

The Red Quest has an excellent long post on his thoughts around having kids the red pill way. As a red pill player and father, I find he has a very good perspective and it’s got me thinking about the subject.

It’s clear that modern marriage in the West no longer works. With a marriage contract, you sign away the rights to have your assets if either of you decided to end it, with no upside.

If that’s not enough, my own experience from my 13 year marriage and the many relationships I’ve observed is that if you live together with a woman, her desire to have sex with you instinctively goes away after 2-3 years. In my experience as well this can be deferred if you don’t live with her and spend plenty of time apart.

I’m not yet at the point where I want to have kids. But one of my realizations on a recent acid trip is that I do want them at some point. I’d also say I have a keener understanding of my mortality than most do as well given my chronic pain and injuries that are a daily reminder I’m past my prime physically.

Modern marriage doesn’t work. Living together with a woman also doesn’t work, at least for me. So given all this, what’s the right structure in which to have a kid?

I believe there is no one answer and it depends on the man and what he wants. I don’t have it figured out, but my current thoughts are this:

  1. Don’t get legally married and have a co-parenting agreement in place.
  2. Keep your finances 100% separate, but agree on some sort of monthly budget you provide to her and the kid you have. Legally do your best to have good asset protection practices in place.
  3. Keep two residences. Have one for her and the kid, and a small separate apartment for yourself. Spend several nights a week apart.
  4. Keep the relationship expressly open and have at least one side casual side girl at all times.
  5. Have a signed, enforceable parenting agreement in place that you both sign. She needs to sign up to do the majority of the day to day chores of raising the kid.
  6. Ensure all kids are paternity tested. This means taking a DNA sample at the time of birth and not signing any birth certificate until the kid is proven to be mine.
  7. Choose a woman who has a family that will help in raising the kid.

This may be a tall order. It requires strong frame, good game, and a high degree of financial success.

It’s good to understand that child support is much cheaper in Europe than the US as well.

But if you’re in your late 30’s / early 40’s and have dated a lot of women, you should have the right frame and enough financial success to pull this off.

I’m 44 and yet still not in a hurry. We’ll see what the future holds. But welcome your comments. It’s good to have a plan ready for when the time comes.

BDSM Experiences and Game

Variety and excitement go a long way for not only making life more interesting, but also to help build bonds with the girls you like in your life and keep them hooked on you.  It’s those little hits of dopamine you and her get, at random, that builds the bond. 

I see this as part of the larger theme of “push/pull” in game.  At the relationship level, push/pull shows up as having intense and exciting time together, and then spending time apart (a week or more) and let the “missing you” feelings build.  The push/pull “dance” in this way keeps relationships exciting without going stale.

With all that said experimentation continues to be the theme of both my life and my ongoing game.  I continue to have new things that interest me to include not only in my life, but to share it with key regular girls of mine and keep the intensity going. 

One focus area I’ve been exploring more is BDSM.  I see dominance and Variety as two of the key aspects of sex game (emotional connection and being present in the moment are the other two I focus on). 

BDSM provides both tools for variety and direct means to be highly dominant in the bedroom in ways few men truly understand.  But women love it. When doing simple things like using a bit of rope to tie them up, I’ve heard girls say countless times, “nobody’s ever done that to me before”. 

Throwing these basic BDSM elements into your sex game, but never doing it the same way twice, keeps the excitement alive for both of you while giving her experiences and memories she can’t get elsewhere.

As I’ve continued to look for new ways to bring elements of BDSM that I actually enjoy into my game.  These week I tried two things.  The first was taking artsy girl to a BDSM dungeon.  The second was taking a BDSM ropes class.  The dungeon was a bust but the ropes have been great.  Let me share why.

BDSM clubs differ from the sex clubs like Red Quest writes about in that the focus at these places are BDSM “scenes” at various stations.  Sex does happen in some of these scenes, but the majority are about other acts such as flogging, bondage, spanking, needle play, and pretty much anything else you might want to do. 

This visit was the first for both artsy girl and me, and we went with the expectation that we would just watch and not participate.  I was hoping at least to get ideas or see techniques that I could learn from and bring into the portfolio of things I enjoy doing at home.  

Unfortunately as you might expect the majority of the 150 attendees or so were unattractive.  What was especially striking was that I was the only man there over 6 feet tall.  That’s really rare in a group that size and tells me there is some selection bias involved.  

The other disappointment was that the scenes were nothing special.  Yes there was a couple having doggy style sex on one of the tables, and there were women in other harnesses submitting to men using hands and vibrators on them.  But these acts were not impressive.  And the majority of scenes were actually fairly tame things like rope bondage with intricate knots and suspension, or very mild flogging that really equates more to a kind of sensual massage. 

My take way from the above is that the real kick for these BDSM dungeons is the exhibitionism. 

Nothing wrong with that, but personally if the mood strikes me I’d rather be an exhibitionist at a proper sex club or party with attractive people around, or by sneaking in public sex on a rooftop or restaurant bathroom or the like (I highly recommend men doing this on the sly public sex on dates with your regulars).

It was good to check it out and have the experience, as well as to confirm though that I’m already doing as much as people who’ve been in the BDSM “community” for decades.

The other thing I explored this week on the BDSM theme was a rope tying class.  This is where “riggers” (people who enjoy tying up partners) go to share and teach techniques. 

I’ve found pretty much all women enjoy being tied up, and for a long time I’ve had a set of spread-eagle ties under my mattress so I can tie girls down to my mattress by their wrists/ankles when the mood strikes me.  I’ve actually had girls I’m seeing complain, “you haven’t tied me up in a while” .

But I found going to the class and learning a few basic knots was not only fun but went a long way.  Over the weekend as I used them with two of my regular girls they enjoyed the additional skill and art to what I was able to do.  I could also see them wonder where the hell I learned that, and keeping that sort of mystery adds fuel to your game.  I enjoyed it.

Crash Restraint is a great resource for all things rope bondage, and he even has a free online course step by step where you can learn the basics at your pace at home.

I plan to keep learning more techniques like rope bondage.  It keeps things interesting, and adds new dimensions to the already strong variety in my game. 

And it’s a lot of fun.

Relationships on My Terms

One of my big focus areas these past three years has been harem building and retention.  It’s a type of pimp game in that you bring the girl into your orbit, consciously build her attachment to you, and shape her into what you want her to be. 

For me this is a sweet spot in the “r/K” or “lover/provider” spectrum. You build a connection with the girls in your rotation, often over months and sometimes years, but you have your freedom to be with other women as you please.

Bringing a girl into your rotation is like training a puppy, you reward and punish behaviors to enforce behavior. You lead her through a range of experiences, most importantly good sex, to get her hooked. It’s also important that your frame is 100% consistent with that of being a lover and you don’t slide into “boyfriend” behaviors or show signs of weakness.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is pimp.jpg
Close…but I’m not one to wear hats

Iceberg slim’s autobiography has good examples, especially the advice he gets from the experienced pimp named Sweet.  And women do their own competing form instinctively as the process of “Betacization” As a man you have to be leading with your own relationship game or you will instead fall into the woman’s frame. 

“A good pimp is always really alone. You gotta always be a puzzle, a mystery to them. That’s how you hold a whore. Don’t get sour. Tell them something new and confusing every day. You can hold ’em as long as you can do it.”

“A pimp is the loneliest bastard on Earth. He’s gotta know his whores. He can’t let them know him. He’s gotta be God all the way.”

Sweet, from Iceberg Slim’s “Pimp”

These are the best quotes from that book and there’s a lot of game in this. To keep regular girls with who know you’re sleeping with other girls and get zero drama, you’ve got to have a 100% strong frame. You’ve got to be mysterious. You only see them once a week or less. You only text 1-2 times a week. And when you see them you fuck them good.

But to really convert her, you give her a range of emotions. You introduce her to new experiences inside and outside of the bedroom. You use BDSM and dirty talk to spike her emotions and connect with you. Occasionally you introduce a bit of controlled drama to give her the rollercoaster of emotions. You continue to escalate the compliance ladder with her inside and outside the bedroom to ensure she’s fully invested. Conversion is an art.

Converting a girl to you can be dark or light depending on what you want to do, which is why it’s rarely talked about.  This same process could be used to pimp out certain girls like in the book or to get yourself a sugarmama, but I’ve focused on it as way to build relationships on my terms. Creating wonderful, concurrent open relationships and life experiences with a variety of girls who’s company I enjoy.

Women get their agency through men, and they look for the right man to make the experiences and life that they want.  Myself, I look for girls who want to this experience. To discover themselves and the world, sexually and otherwise.  I’m the experienced man of the world who shows them the way. 

I’ve enjoyed seeing how girls blossom into what I want them to be all the while they enjoy the experience.  This is the same plot-line of romance novels, although with the fantasy in the end that the heroine wins the player over exclusively.  Women want you to be the man.  To lead.  To be “daddy”.  

As a man you have to know how to lead them through this nature to create something positive for both of you.  This is the “dance” I’ve alluded to in the past. 

The girl I call “Little me” ghost wrote an essay about me and told me about it so I could find it (she ghost wrote it via the author who’s actually pictured, Alexandria Brown, who is not Little Me).  It’s as good an example of how a woman truly wants to feel – the unsure excitement of whether or not she can win over a high value man:

I like complicated. I like dark. I like mysteries that need unraveling. I like you. I like everything you bring to the table even though all you can give me is a few late nights and never any early mornings. I like not knowing where this is going and if I’m ever going to see you again. I’m addicted to the rush that comes along with getting you every once in a while. It excites me.


“Little Me” writing about yours truly makes her feel.  Do read the whole thing.

Don’t be fooled.  This turmoil is what a woman truly wants.  Sexually I’ve seen how much women crave being dominated and submitting to a worthy man.  It’s no different emotionally.  But it has to be with the right balance.

These ongoing non-monogamous mini relationships have been the highlight of my life in game.  Far more than crazy game stories on how I managed to close a girl or one night stands.  I see this as my sweet spot. 

Both the girl and I get great sex, positive experiences, and good memories.  I get the freedom and variety I need as a man, but also gives me an outlet for the “affection addiction” that causes so many players to retire from the game.  

After this recent three week trip to New York I’m wondering if my desire to focus on this aspect of game came from the fact that SF is such a poor dating market for men.  It can take weeks for me to find girls who fit the bill above, and so when I do I want to ensure I manage the (open) relationship well. 

It may be tempting to go more “r” selected on the spectrum and just do one night stands when I move to NY.  But I don’t see myself going away from keeping 2-3 regular girls in my life (even while I enjoy regularly finding sport fucks on the side). 

I’m glad I spent the time in SF that I did. I don’t think it’s likely I’d have consciously focused on this skillset if I’d been in an easy city like NY.  

These have been some of the most fulfilling relationships I’ve ever had, even as these women come and go from my life over time.  

Magnum’s NYC Game Adventures – January 2019

Magnum’s Adventures in Game – NYC January 2019

If you haven’t seen my posts on the goals I had for my winter 2019 NYC trip, you can find the goals here and my overall decision post here

Goodbye text from NYC Girl number 4
….full story below

As is my custom for trips I pipelined several dates via online for my NYC trip.  This lets me hit the ground running with a solid pipeline and ensures I don’t get thirsty from a dry spell. I start to feel it after a few days of not getting laid.

Long lay reports are boring for me to write as most dates follow my first date model (unless I sense it’s on and then I escalate and bounce her home on date 1), and I prefer to look at the big picture trends, so below I’m summarizing my entire 2.5 weeks in NYC. 

As with every other trip I do outside of SF, dating felt on easy mode.   I could feel the difference in marketplaces and had to calibrate my approach a bit.  There were less flakes and all my lays were on the first date, not the second. I got way more IOI’s as well.

Like anywhere else, a man in Manhattan definitely needs to both have value and have game, but there are many more opportunities and it simply just doesn’t take as much persistence or work.

Here’s how things went for me:

  • Girl 1 – 23 year old student originally from Oklahoma.  My first night in New York and it was a brutal 4 degrees F outside (-16 C).  I had her holding my hands most of the date to help warm me up which was good kino.  Ran my standard first date model at a local bar, and felt it was on so I bounced her to a 2nd bar nearby, which became my favorite venue after this date.  I spent a bit too much time with her in bar 2 and we lost some momentum, and by the end I opted not to bounce her home.  Not sure why I passed up a likely lay, but I wasn’t in the mood.  I wasn’t dressed well for the cold.  
  • Girl 2 – 28 year old Costa Rican who admitted that she is dying to meet a man with whom she could be submissive with.  Somehow submissive girls always recognize me for the dominant I am.  Good conversation on a 1 hour first date.  I opted to do the two date model with her based on calibration and her age, but ended up cancelling with her during my date with Girl 4 below.
  • Had my one of my regular SF girls “Little Me” come in for a 36 hour visit.  I wanted to set the precedent for short trips as we’ll likely be in different cities in the near future.  We fucked all weekend and hit some great restaurants as well as the museum of sex.  One downside I found with NYC is the public restrooms don’t lend themselves as well to pulling your girl in for a quickie, which is a favorite pastime I got Little Me hooked on.  Sigh…there is no pussy paradise.
  • Girl 3 – 23 year old student.  Saw her the Sunday evening the day Little Me left for home.  Girl 3 flaked on me twice during my first week during the period of extreme cold (as did several others), but she begged me for a third chance.  I had nothing else booked so I gave it to her.  We met at a local bar and this was one of the strongest “it’s on” moments I’ve ever had.  Sometimes you’re just a girl’s type.  She was 5’9″ and tall girls always love my 6’3 frame so maybe that helped. I had to slow the date down to get to about a 45 minute mark before I bounced her to my apartment since I didn’t want to deal with ASD at my place.  She asked to take a shower after we got to my place, and then we fucked right away when she came out in a towel.  No ASD, and I opted not to see her again.
  • Girl 4 – 22 year old restaurant hostess.  Grew up on the lower east side.  Was planning on running my standard two date model as I had a date 2 planned later that evening to close Girl 2.  But once again things felt “on” from the beginning.  It started slow but the click was definitely there, so with the attraction there I opted to bounce her to another bar to build comfort, and I canceled my date 2 with girl 2 (younger and hotter always wins).  Lots of good kino and we’d have several random moments of intense eye contact, her with her lips open.  Again the bounce to my place was easy and no ASD.    Ironically I ended up flaking on her on a Friday night date 3 days later when things went well with girl 6 below.  But other than her calling me “naughty” she happily came out for another date with me on my last night in New York.  She also sent me the text I copied into this post the morning I left.  This girl fucked like a pornstar and wanted to do things for me to earn her favorite reward, me calling her a “good girl”.  Increasingly I’ve been deeply saying “good girl” as a reward when girls do something that pleases me.  I did this in the texting with miss Kuala Lumpur which I believe helped me get the lay, and Miss Singapore even asked out loud once “why does that hit my pleasure center so much?!”.  I really do love girls and how they are.
  • Girl 5- 25 year old freelancer from Connecticut.  She was just my type physically, and had a sweetness to her that I liked.  My read on her was that she was more “K” selected (close to her family, shares apartment with her sister, no tatoos, etc), so I opted for a 2 date model and cut the first date short after an hour.  We were both free the next date so I opted to do a dinner date at a restaurant.  In the end she wouldn’t bounce to my place for “one last drink” so I wrote her off.  I was disappointed to waste an evening on her, but I’d have taken the night off otherwise anyway.
  • Girl 6 – just turned 18 year old art student from Brooklyn.  A petite 5’1″ girl with a nice round booty, this girl was by far my favorite of the trip.  We had a Friday afternoon coffee date since she was so far underage.  We had clicked well in texting, this girl has one of the best senses of humor of any one I’ve met.  Our banter was great but there was a strong man/woman vibe.  After an hour at the cafe I was going to end the date and head out for an evening planned with girl 4, but girl 6 asked me, “what are we doing next?” so I rolled with it and bounced her to what was now my favorite bar in the east village, one block from my place.  The staff knew me well by this time so didn’t bother to card, and we continued our vibe over a nice drink (I had a virgin drink, and the art student indulged in a nice cocktail).  After another hour with some good kino and escalation I suggested she try the nice Bordeaux I had at my place and she agreed.  I cancelled my date with Girl 4 right before we planned to begin so I could keep momentum with Girl 6 (younger and hotter always wins).  Being younger I could see that Girl 6 she was a bit nervous knowing what that meant.  I gave her more time to roam around my apartment that I normally do, although I teased her comparing her to a nervous little kitten.  It was rather fun watching her settle the nerves and make her inner decision of whether or not to fuck me, I watched with a bit of a grin from the couch confident in the inevitable as I let her settle in.  She then sat across from me on the coffee table rather than next to me on the couch, a clear sign that she needed to build comfort.  One of the advantages to being older is that I’m never in a hurry and I just relaxed and let her do what she needed, I think she felt this and it relaxed her.  It’s no big deal to me if I don’t get laid on any given night because I always have a rotation, and girls can feel this.  The art student started asking me questions like, “do you live here or in SF?”, “do you only date young girls?” etc and of course I answered them all truthfully but tactfully.  It’s funny but girls rarely ask me questions on dates, instead I lead the conversation but asking questions and letting them talk about themselves.  The questions here was much like the text questions I was getting from girls in Bangkok prior to first dates, I smiled at the parallel.  When it finally felt right I pulled her across from the table into my lap as I sit on the couch and started kissing her.  Within about 30 seconds she panted “do you want to fuck me?” and I answered by simply picking her up and carrying her to the bed all the while I was kissing her.  We fucked twice that night and twice the next day.  Lots of vibing and fun conversation in between and not to much sleep.  We did it again two days later for a 2nd date.  She’s one I’ll keep in touch with for my return to NY.  She reminds me of the Stanford girl in dated in 2017, but this one was sweeter.
  • Girl 7 – 20 year old sorority girl from Rutgers.  We had good banter via texting and had also done a short skype call (which I cut short as always).  Date started well but it became apparent this girl was a bit insecure and liked to banter / accuse a bit too much.  When I moved things on to comfort she would keep moving things back to the banter phase, but in a way that didn’t feel sexual.  I ended the date after an hour and wrote her off.

I didn’t keep track but my memory is that I had three girls flake on me, all in the first week of extreme cold.  I flaked on two girls an hour before the date (girls 2 & 4 above), and I cancelled on maybe 3 or 4 others at various points when I was too tired to pursue.  This came from me having to calibrate to the NYC market, I’m used to girls flaking more in other cities so I was double booking evenings.  I also didn’t expect every lay to be a date 1 lay but girls in NYC don’t seem to hesitate once they know they want you.

SF vs NYC dating for men…in meme form

All of the above was from online, which is as good in NYC as anywhere I’ve been.  I did do a handful of daygame sets with Runner.  I number closed a cute blonde in SoHo but the number flaked (I approached off her huge IOI but then she was in a hurry after I stacked and so the interaction was way too short).  Did a second daygame session at the end of my trip with Runner in Penn station at night due to the cold, but the options were slim and frankly I was all fucked out from the girls above.

Red Quest wrote a good post that in game you only see the “Tip of the Spear” This is true.  My view of a man’s success in game is much like that of success in business…you need to work on all three:

  1. Your value.  In game you are the product.  The more you build your value (confidence, charm, charisma, physique, fashion, influence and social connections, sexual abilities, etc) the more women will want you.  If you’re not attractive the best game in the world will do you no good
  2. Your actual game.  This is sales of you as the product.  If you have high value but don’t approach women you won’t get laid.  They need to learn about you in an attractive way, and then you need to lead them from interest to close.  You need a systemic way of doing this (nightgame, daygame, online, social circle) and manage this whole sales funnel like a process.  To Red Quest’s point this is the part most men focus on.  In part I think a lot of lazy guys are looking for “game hacks” so they can avoid the hard work of building value which takes years.
  3. Your dating market.  Are there a lot of attractive younger women relative to men where you live?  I see now that I’ve made things much harder for myself by living most of my life in the worst counties in the country for men to date.  It likely contributed to me getting married as young as I did. But on the plus side I doubt I’d have developed my game skills as much as I have if SF wasn’t such a tough market for men.

I feel I’ve maximized my value as much as I can.  At 44 my fight is to preserve what I’ve built.  I’ve got room to improve my game but I’d say I’m solid at this point. 

Personally my biggest opportunity is to improve my market.  I look forward to my move to NYC.

First Date Model Hypocrite

I’m a hypocrite. No sooner did I publish a post advocating the two date model then I go and get four first date lays in less than a month.

It’s not that I’m being disingenuous. Rather it was writing the post on my first date model that made me examine what I do on a date and it made me spell out my escalation process. Again I have to thank the gentlemen who encouraged me to start this blog.

Since my first date model post I’ve been ensuring that I hit each question on every first date (in a calibrated way, fractionated with small talk and appropriate kino).

The lesson here is that the two date model is a good structure, but calibration trumps structure every time. If you feel that it’s on by all means pull the trigger.

Again I think writing that post helped me be more mindful and systematic regarding what I’ve been doing on first dates, and then with a bit of luck, calibration, and leadership things have gone my way.

I’ve done 7 first dates with new girls in January so far (with 4 more scheduled here in NYC). This is in addition to seeing one of my regulars in Bangkok in early January and two of my regulars in SF mid-month. Here’s the break down of January’s 7 dates so far:

1. (closed) the very fun date with the 21 year old Miss Kuala Lumpur

2. (lost) A 23 year old nursing student in SF, solid date but wouldn’t bounce home with me. Trailed off in the after date texting.

3. (closed) A 24 year old nursing student in SF who I bounced home after she was very clearly “on” and had both her legs in my lap.

4. (dropped) A 23 year old New York girl who came out on the coldest day of the year. We had two drinks and it felt like I could bounce her home, but I opted not to since I was cold and not in the mood.

5. (dropped) A 28 year old Costa Rican girl here in NYC. Positive date, I had a date 2 lined up but it was stacked after date 7 below so I cancelled on her when I opted to take date 7 back to my place.

6. (closed) A 23 year old New York girl who flaked on me twice, but then begged me to meet up, and once she showed up turned out to be one of the biggest “yes” girls I’ve ever dated. It was completely on within 5 minutes of meeting, but I waited until she finished her drink before bouncing her home to prevent LMR. There was none. It just shows that sometimes girls can be random.

7. (closed) A 22 year old native New Yorker who was also a strong click from the beginning. Massive eye contact. I opted to bounce her to two different bars before taking her home (and cancelled on the Costa Rican girl as I did it). Several rounds of wild sex and a very fun date overall.

Book Review: Sex Clubs, Non-monogamy, and Game by the Red Quest

I had the privilege of being one of the men that the Red Quest asked to provide input on the manuscript for his book, “Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game“.  He’s finished the book in part with my input and is now giving the book away for free (downloadable at the link).

Worthwhile read

It’s a unique book based on his years of experience in the sex club / swinger scene in his city.  In the first half of the book he covers why a man would want to include sex clubs as part of his game, and in the second half of the book he shares lots of specific examples from his own dating life.  

Personally I haven’t had direct experience with sex clubs.  I’ve had FFM threesomes, and I once took a 22 year old I was dating to a sex club here in San Francisco.  But we left after 10 minutes, the club was slow and frankly we didn’t like the looks of anyone else there.  So I was curious to read Red Quest’s take on this scene and how to integrate it into non-monogamous relationship management.

As I’ve written about here and here, it’s your role as a man to lead your woman.  Lead her experience and take her to places she’s never been before.  Doing this right I’ve been able to keep the attractive women I want in my life, without having to promise monogamy.  Women want to be lead by an exciting lover as a means for them to experience the world.  And I can see from “Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game” that sex clubs could be part of your larger game in doing this leading…if you had the skills and inclination.

After reading this book, here are the positives I see for bringing your girls to sex clubs:

  • you frame yourself as top tier lover because you’ve opened her to experiences she’s only fantasized about but would never make happen on her own
  • her attraction for you can increase as she watches you fuck other girls (preselection at its most primal)
  • you can leverage her for variety both by swapping her with other couples and also having her recruit other girls for you
  • the sex club scene in your city becomes a long term “ecosystem” / social circle you can leverage for constantly finding new partners – if you have the social savvy and sex skills to be a top-tier guy in the sex club scene in your city

Here are the downsides I see:

  • I doubt most guys can pull this off – this is advanced level game and your looks, game, and sex skills need to be on point.  You need a strong frame and ability to lead
  • other guys will try and poach your girl
  • you have to manage not just your relationship with the girl you bring but your relationship with the other couples you play with
  • most guys won’t enjoy watching “their” girl fuck other guys…even if it means they get to fuck other girls at the same time
  • From my very limited experience in San Francisco I’m not convinced there are many attractive women in the sex club scene (I’m picky and prefer petite college aged girls)

I think this is a worthwhile read to any one who’s had some curiosity about the sex club world.  There’s value here in reading about Red Quest’s advanced level game in action, even if all you’re looking to do is merge girls you’re already dating into a FFM threesome with you. 

Read it and decide for yourself if it’s a world you want to enter.