I believe there are two main romantic templates between men and women. They come from childhood and are hard wired into the human brain. And I believe this sheds some light on what guys ado wrong these days and also hat we as men can do right.
For lack of better words to describe the two romantic templates (dynamics) a man can experience with a woman are:
- mommy / son
- daughter / daddy
Women experience the same two but I’ll explain it from the man’s perspective since that’s what I know. We grow up as boys experience unconditional love from our mother (hopefully – if she didn’t provide this then the boy is fucked).
A healthy mother loves you no matter what, and takes care of you. As it should be.
The problem is that when boys grow up and start dating and start looking for this mommy / son dynamic in the women they date.
Your girlfriend or wife is not your mother. She can never love you unconditionally, only instead for what you ring to her life. Most guys don’t understand this, and it is trying to make this dynamic work is the dynamic of the beta male.
The other romantic dynamic is daughter / daddy. This is not meant as an Electra complex …but in that you are the man and you lead. You are older and more experienced and you take care of things and also set boundaries.
A father does not rely on his daughter to take care of him or provide support, he does this for her. Loving you for playing this role in her life is the only way a woman can love a man that’s not her actual father.
And this love is entirely conditional. Unconditional love is saved for her children.
This dynamic is what women crave. Whenever I have given this gift to women they are happy. The burden of man is that he had to lead and support, and he can’t burden his women with his problems.
In addition it helps to have an air of gravitas and mystery to her, just like she gets from her actual father. This is a deeply ingrained template in our DNA, you can’t deviate from it.
Men can only be loved unconditionally from their actual mother. It’s a burden we bear but I can tell you from hard experience that the joy and feminine energy you will unleash in your women from doing this right offsets that downside.
When she trusts you are strong enough to lead this dynamic she will feel safe and blossom with you.
I highly recommend Yoni Balls to teach your women to be more orgasmic. Give them as a gift to any woman you’re dating. All she has to do is wear the one that fits her like a tampon as she goes about her day. Best if she works her way down to smaller ones as she goes. It works by automatically strengthening her pelvic floor muscles. If she sticks with this over a period of a few weeks to months on a daily basis she has a good chance of becoming multi-orgasmic.
One of the girls I’m seeing who I call “Little Me” tried them on the recommendation of one of her fellow yoga instructors. She went from having 1-2 orgasms every time we had sex to having 5-10 every time. That means cumming every few minutes while we fuck. She can now have multiple in a row as well. It’s amazing.
I gave these as gifts to two other girls I’ve been seeing regularly. I enjoy being the one to lead them through experiencing the world in new ways and opening up their sexuality to what is possible for them. This is the right leading frame for male / female polarity in a relationship.
I walked artsy girl from my apartment back to her car. She’s very low key, but this time she had an extra little spring in her step. She’s told me how I bring out her feminine side. This from a girl who’s seduced other girls into being her girlfriend in the past. And truly she’s one of the most feminine girls I’ve ever dated which says a lot. A strong masculine man like me attracts the polar opposite, and it’s that polarity which makes good chemistry between men and women.
But last night was a little extra. There was an extra girlishness in her voice, something she usually keeps hidden. We had our normal fun, dry humor and banter over dinner, and after I gave her two hours of the dominant, rough sex she’s been enjoying with me every week for months. I had her repeat certain sexy things to me while I was fucking her, and my sense is that plus a strong mix of dominance blended with emotional connection, put her over the top. Her arms and legs were quivering quite a lot afterwards, and I teased her because it was cute. I’m not sure whether or not artsy girl has felt this before.
Last night there was just a little extra spark, and it was good. Maybe there’s the added dimension of me being older and experienced and knowing how to lead the dance between us. But I can tell you this feels like how it’s meant to be.
My main goals in life are organized around three areas:
In that order. Health is the foundation. Without it you have nothing, as your mind is manifest in your body, and everything you do or experience is through your body. As a long-term sufferer of chronic pain I’ve learned this all too well.
Wealth is an enabler. They say time is money, but the more accurate way to look at it is that money is time. We work to exchange time into money through wages and once you’ve build capital you can use it to invest (using money to make more money) and to buy goods and services that save you time, or experiences that enable the rest of life. Money is neither good nor bad, it’s the energy to do things.
Women includes sex and relationships. Western culture doesn’t like to admit it but men need sex to feel right. Any man that goes more than two weeks without sex is failing at something. But more importantly relationship are what makes life worthwhile.
My personal goals then for 2019 are for me to achieve the following:
- I’ve eliminated my chronic pain and restored full sensation and function. I will do this through my ongoing regimen of massage, PT, dry needling, and possible surgery
- I’ve continued to stay lean and fit with a waist < 35″ by:
- eating low carbohydrates
- intermittent fasting (only eat between 12p and 8p)
- eating home cooked meals as much as possible
- no alcohol
- get 7+ hours of sleep per night
- lift twice a week
- daily PT
- optimize my hormonal balance (reduce my SHBG levels)
- I’ve restored my shoulder so I can swim 30 min’s a week without pain
- I build my side business to $3K / month net profit
- I hit my net worth targets for year end
- I find a better home base to live in besides San Francisco (I will be traveling to Cambodia, Thailand, Malaysia, NYC, Krakow, Prague, Moscow, St Petersburg, and the Philippines this year – all to look for better home bases)
- I’ve maintained a healthy rotation of attractive younger women in my life who’s company I enjoy
- I’ve executed a threesome
- I’ve fathered at least one child through sperm donation
I reserve the right to refine these as I get better information
These were easy to set because they build on what I’ve been doing for quite some time and in most ways are a continuation of my goals from the past few years. Since my divorce at the beginning of 2014 my entire focus has been to build my freedom and ideal lifestyle. It’s been a time of extensive experimentation as I’ve found what works and doesn’t work for me.
This has been hugely rewarding, but as I’m getting closer to achieving all of these goals I’ve realized something is missing. And that missing element is having a larger purpose or mission. I’m close to being free where work is optional and I can spend my time where and how I want. Not super rich but comfortable.
The question is, what do I want to do with my freedom? Who do I want to help? What legacy do I want to leave? I haven’t yet answered these questions.
At 44 years old, I know who I am and how I like to spend my time. I’ve always looked at life as the present – the closer my regular 24 hour day is to my ideal day, the better I’m living.
Maybe it’s because I don’t have kids but lately I’ve been feeling like something is missing. I’ve made huge improvements to my health, my dating life, and now in starting up a side business beyond my career.
But what comes next when I’ve hit my goals in 1-3 years?
I’m starting this journal to accomplish three things:
- Organize my thoughts as I have them. The process of writing will help me clarify and focus
- Iterate thoughts and share with others to develop ideas for both them and me
- Give something back