Variety and excitement go a long way for not only making life more interesting, but also to help build bonds with the girls you like in your life and keep them hooked on you. It’s those little hits of dopamine you and her get, at random, that builds the bond.
I see this as part of the larger theme of “push/pull” in game. At the relationship level, push/pull shows up as having intense and exciting time together, and then spending time apart (a week or more) and let the “missing you” feelings build. The push/pull “dance” in this way keeps relationships exciting without going stale.
With all that said experimentation continues to be the theme of both my life and my ongoing game. I continue to have new things that interest me to include not only in my life, but to share it with key regular girls of mine and keep the intensity going.
One focus area I’ve been exploring more is BDSM. I see dominance and Variety as two of the key aspects of sex game (emotional connection and being present in the moment are the other two I focus on).
BDSM provides both tools for variety and direct means to be highly dominant in the bedroom in ways few men truly understand. But women love it. When doing simple things like using a bit of rope to tie them up, I’ve heard girls say countless times, “nobody’s ever done that to me before”.
Throwing these basic BDSM elements into your sex game, but never doing it the same way twice, keeps the excitement alive for both of you while giving her experiences and memories she can’t get elsewhere.
As I’ve continued to look for new ways to bring elements of BDSM that I actually enjoy into my game. These week I tried two things. The first was taking artsy girl to a BDSM dungeon. The second was taking a BDSM ropes class. The dungeon was a bust but the ropes have been great. Let me share why.
BDSM clubs differ from the sex clubs like Red Quest writes about in that the focus at these places are BDSM “scenes” at various stations. Sex does happen in some of these scenes, but the majority are about other acts such as flogging, bondage, spanking, needle play, and pretty much anything else you might want to do.
This visit was the first for both artsy girl and me, and we went with the expectation that we would just watch and not participate. I was hoping at least to get ideas or see techniques that I could learn from and bring into the portfolio of things I enjoy doing at home.
Unfortunately as you might expect the majority of the 150 attendees or so were unattractive. What was especially striking was that I was the only man there over 6 feet tall. That’s really rare in a group that size and tells me there is some selection bias involved.
The other disappointment was that the scenes were nothing special. Yes there was a couple having doggy style sex on one of the tables, and there were women in other harnesses submitting to men using hands and vibrators on them. But these acts were not impressive. And the majority of scenes were actually fairly tame things like rope bondage with intricate knots and suspension, or very mild flogging that really equates more to a kind of sensual massage.
My take way from the above is that the real kick for these BDSM dungeons is the exhibitionism.
Nothing wrong with that, but personally if the mood strikes me I’d rather be an exhibitionist at a proper sex club or party with attractive people around, or by sneaking in public sex on a rooftop or restaurant bathroom or the like (I highly recommend men doing this on the sly public sex on dates with your regulars).
It was good to check it out and have the experience, as well as to confirm though that I’m already doing as much as people who’ve been in the BDSM “community” for decades.
The other thing I explored this week on the BDSM theme was a rope tying class. This is where “riggers” (people who enjoy tying up partners) go to share and teach techniques.
I’ve found pretty much all women enjoy being tied up, and for a long time I’ve had a set of spread-eagle ties under my mattress so I can tie girls down to my mattress by their wrists/ankles when the mood strikes me. I’ve actually had girls I’m seeing complain, “you haven’t tied me up in a while” .
But I found going to the class and learning a few basic knots was not only fun but went a long way. Over the weekend as I used them with two of my regular girls they enjoyed the additional skill and art to what I was able to do. I could also see them wonder where the hell I learned that, and keeping that sort of mystery adds fuel to your game. I enjoyed it.
Crash Restraint is a great resource for all things rope bondage, and he even has a free online course step by step where you can learn the basics at your pace at home.
I plan to keep learning more techniques like rope bondage. It keeps things interesting, and adds new dimensions to the already strong variety in my game.
And it’s a lot of fun.