I’m currently in the middle of a three week trip through Cambodia, Thailand, and Malaysia. Every year my company does a two week holiday shutdown where we are forced to take vacation time. I’ve found that it’s incredibly boring and lonely in San Francisco during that time, everyone goes home to the families and everything is closed. It’s also the worst time of year to meet new women. So I use the opportunity to travel and explore the world instead.
Last year I had a tremendous trip to Singapore and Vietnam, together with one of my closest friends. I met one of my favorite girls of all time, a 19 year old Singaporean medical student, and we had a week long mini romance that I will always remember even though I’ll never see her again. I also met the girl I call “miss Saigon”, a gorgeous 18 year old Vietnamese girl, who I saw again on my fall trip to Vietnam. These two girls, plus the 3 weeks of adventure, reminded me of the big world out there that I have not been seeing due to my hip injury limiting my air travel for many years. The fact that I was twice able to meet and build a connection with a very attractive girl within a week of being in each country also was a stark reminder to me that dating in San Francisco is one of the worst locations for men, given the supply of men vs women. It just gets better most anywhere else.
The trip at the end of 2017 made me consider a move to the region. My goal for this trip in 2018, along with my follow up trips to Hong Kong, Singapore and Vietnam this fall, was to see if I’d really want to make the move to the region, and to explore candidate countries. That and enjoying a bit of travel game was my goal. I’ve always been fascinated with the temples at Angkor Wat and I heard Cambodia was a bit of the “wild wild east” and so had to give it a look for myself. I also wanted to check out Bangkok and Kuala Lumpur, as both have relatively easy residence visa programs. So the trip was set.
I prefer to pipeline dates online before I hit a new city. That way my first few days are filled with coffee and bar dates, and from these I can zero in on 1-2 girls I like to close. If daygame or nightgame provides more leads I add them to the list, but I find the pipeline approach is the best way to ensure I meet cute girls quickly in a new city. Talking with Nash at Days of Game who only does daygame confirms this, he finds it takes 2-3 weeks to typically start closing leads from daygame which makes sense. My travel schedule doesn’t permit me to invest that much time in a city so online is the way for me.
This trip I quickly found that online game in Cambodia is almost non-existent. I’m not sure if this is because of low levels of English, or that the girls who are open to date foreigners all work as bar girls and pro’s. But there just were not many girls on any of the dating apps. So I hit the nightclub and bar areas guys mentioned from the forums and quickly found all the attractive girls in these bars were pro’s. I tried my hand at getting a few to leave with me but they all wanted pay for play. I walked around the streets looking for bars that weren’t hooker bars, but everything I saw was bar girls and pros, and a pair of ladyboys even tried approaching me on the street.
The second day went better. A local girl slid into my instagram DM’s and I invited her over to my hotel for a swim. She was nice but unfortunately not up to my standards, so I used the opportunity to learn about good nightlife venues. My friend and I then went to the nicest sky bar in town that night to take in the view and to avoid the hookers. Great sunset view, and sure enough I spotted a cute girl drinking by herself which made for an easy opener. I managed to pull her to my hotel bar for a second drink. But I couldn’t pull her up to my place to “see the amazing view”. So it goes.
The third day though I woke up with a lung infection and spent the next 24 hours in bed with a fever. So much for my time in Phnom Penh. My friend and I went to Siem Reap and spent the next three days visiting the temples. It was hot and humid and I had a fever but I toughed it out, sleeping my way to recovery.
I did not close a Cambodian girl in Cambodia (I have closed a Cambodian american girl back home). I’d have needed to spend more time in Phnom Penh and learn where the locals hang out, and focused on day game and night game. But despite the challenges and the pain of being sick the temples were well worthwhile. And the whole week I knew 12 days in Bangkok was next on the itinerary.
I’ll save Bangkok for a future post.
Life is at best bittersweet. We all have ups and downs and often it’s how you respond to the downs that make the different between a happy and an unhappy life. We have to embrace the challenges life throws at us, making progress on this frankly is what makes life satisfying. If it were all ups and no downs we’d go crazy, like the young guys who make a fortune selling a company and wind up dead a few years later from a drug overdose.
I was reminded of this yesterday. I’ve had this damn plantar wart on the left ball of my foot for years. I was a runner and pounded it deep into my foot, and I didn’t treat it since It thought it was a callous. It was only when it started to throw off my gait that I had it checked out and started treatment.
I started treatment 3 years ago. This mean cryo-freezing my foot and limping on it for days – every 6 weeks. For 3 fucking years.
It didn’t want to get better and I was sick of the painful process, but I stuck with it. Last month the damn thing just up and disappeared. It was big one day and a few days later it was like it never existed. The treatments finally stimulated my immune system to eliminate the virus.
More detail than you wanted to know. But a great little reminder of exactly how life is. We have to know when to persevere, often for years without much feedback, but this is how to succeed.
I believe there are two main romantic templates between men and women. They come from childhood and are hard wired into the human brain. And I believe this sheds some light on what guys ado wrong these days and also hat we as men can do right.
For lack of better words to describe the two romantic templates (dynamics) a man can experience with a woman are:
- mommy / son
- daughter / daddy
Women experience the same two but I’ll explain it from the man’s perspective since that’s what I know. We grow up as boys experience unconditional love from our mother (hopefully – if she didn’t provide this then the boy is fucked). A healthy mother loves you no matter what, and takes care of you. As it should be.
The problem is that when boys grow up and start dating and start looking for this mommy / son dynamic in the women they date. Your girlfriend or wife is not your mother. She can never love you unconditionally, only instead for what you ring to her life. Most guys don’t understand this, and it is trying to make this dynamic work that is the dynamic of the beta male.
The other romantic dynamic is daughter / daddy. This is not meant as an Electra complex but in that you are the man and you lead. You are older and more experienced and you take care of things and also set boundaries.
A father does not rely on his daughter to take care of him or provide support, he does this for her. Loving you for playing this role in her life is the only way a woman can love a man that’s not her actual father. And this love is entirely conditional. Unconditional love is saved for her children.
This dynamic is what women crave. Whenever I have given this gift to women they are happy. The burden of man is that he had to lead and support, and he can’t burden his women with his problems. In addition it helps to have an air of gravitas and mystery to her, just like she gets from her actual father. This is a deeply ingrained template in our DNA, you can’t deviate from it.
Men can only be loved unconditionally from their actual mother. It’s a burden we bear but I can tell you from hard experience that the joy and feminine energy you will unleash in your women from doing this right offsets that downside. When she trusts you are strong enough to lead this dynamic she will feel safe and blossom with you.
My main goals in life are organized around three areas:
In that order. Health is the foundation. Without it you have nothing, as your mind is manifest in your body, and everything you do or experience is through your body. As a long-term sufferer of chronic pain I’ve learned this all too well.
Wealth is an enabler. They say time is money, but the more accurate way to look at it is that money is time. We work to exchange time into money through wages and once you’ve build capital you can use it to invest (using money to make more money) and to buy goods and services that save you time, or experiences that enable the rest of life. Money is neither good nor bad, it’s the energy to do things.
Women includes sex and relationships. Western culture doesn’t like to admit it but men need sex to feel right. Any man that goes more than two weeks without sex is failing at something. But more importantly relationship are what makes life worthwhile.
My personal goals then for 2019 are for me to achieve the following:
- I’ve eliminated my chronic pain and restored full sensation and function. I will do this through my ongoing regimen of massage, PT, dry needling, and possible surgery
- I’ve continued to stay lean and fit with a waist < 35″ by:
- eating low carbohydrates
- intermittent fasting (only eat between 12p and 8p)
- eating home cooked meals as much as possible
- no alcohol
- get 7+ hours of sleep per night
- lift twice a week
- daily PT
- optimize my hormonal balance (reduce my SHBG levels)
- I’ve restored my shoulder so I can swim 30 min’s a week without pain
- I build my side business to $3K / month net profit
- I hit my net worth targets for year end
- I find a better home base to live in besides San Francisco (I will be traveling to Cambodia, Thailand, Malaysia, NYC, Krakow, Prague, Moscow, St Petersburg, and the Philippines this year – all to look for better home bases)
- I’ve maintained a healthy rotation of attractive younger women in my life who’s company I enjoy
- I’ve executed a threesome
- I’ve fathered at least one child through sperm donation
I reserve the right to refine these as I get better information
These were easy to set because they build on what I’ve been doing for quite some time and in most ways are a continuation of my goals from the past few years. Since my divorce at the beginning of 2014 my entire focus has been to build my freedom and ideal lifestyle. It’s been a time of extensive experimentation as I’ve found what works and doesn’t work for me.
This has been hugely rewarding, but as I’m getting closer to achieving all of these goals I’ve realized something is missing. And that missing element is having a larger purpose or mission. I’m close to being free where work is optional and I can spend my time where and how I want. Not super rich but comfortable.
The question is, what do I want to do with my freedom? Who do I want to help? What legacy do I want to leave? I haven’t yet answered these questions.
At 44 years old, I know who I am and how I like to spend my time. I’ve always looked at life as the present – the closer my regular 24 hour day is to my ideal day, the better I’m living.
Maybe it’s because I don’t have kids but lately I’ve been feeling like something is missing. I’ve made huge improvements to my health, my dating life, and now in starting up a side business beyond my career.
But what comes next when I’ve hit my goals in 1-3 years?
I’m starting this journal to accomplish three things:
- Organize my thoughts as I have them. The process of writing will help me clarify and focus
- Iterate thoughts and share with others to develop ideas for both them and me
- Give something back