The Deepest Red Pill

I find the transient nature of relationships to be the darkest red of the red pill

I was married for 13 years.  I believe the reason we lasted so long was that I truly believed we loved each other.  It was only when I saw after all those years that she did not love me for who I am, but rather for what I could do for her, that I choose to leave her. 

I was very blue pill and I’ve come a long way.

This article today in the Atlantic reminded me of this:

Women, more than men, tend to feel stultified by long-term exclusivity

Wednesday Martin, The Atlantic

This quote is absolutely spot on. Read a book like “Sperm Wars” or even Tom Torero’s “Below the Belt“. Or better yet get years of real world experience as I have between my former ex’s and the many women I’ve dated since. The red pill reality becomes clear.

Blackdragon did a very good interview with a woman who was unusually aware and candid of her nature. It’s the most red pill thing I’ve ever read. Every man should read this to understand female nature.

Women have a dual mating strategy. They either want you for your DNA (lover) or for your resources (provider). Women are not capable of loving you for who you are as an individual man.

Women love what you can do for them, their love is reserved for their children. And women are never loyal to you. They are loyal to your power.

It’s driven by biology. Nature sets us up with infatuation to pair bond for a couple of years tops to make a baby, and then there is some sort of internal mechanism that causes women to eventually tire of a man as a lover and look elsewhere for a new source of DNA, in order to diversify her offspring and maximize her chances of passing on her genes.

It can be painful for men to accept this because even no matter how tight your game is, no matter how much a girl is in to you, at some point she will eventually move on.

There is no end game, there is no one girl that will be your “ride or die” girl for life. I find this transient nature to be the darkest red of the red pill.

I believe this is why most men, even experienced players, close their eyes to reality and entertain romantic fantasies such as “this girl is different from all the rest,” and why men have unfounded purity fantasies of some girls being “good girls” and some girls being “bad girls”.

It’s completely false. All women are out to get good DNA at points in their life, while keeping up the good girl front so they can eventually win over a provider. It’s nature’s way, I don’t blame women one bit.

But there is no ideal situation for men. We are not the choosers when it comes to sex. Instead we can either:

1. Go for pair bonding and a relationship knowing that there is a shelf life of just a few years of passion. She may stay with you and she may not even cheat, but her passion for you will die.

2. Or have ongoing one night stands and harems with girls that come and go from your life over time.

For me, the short to medium term harem option is the best trade off. I create a portfolio of sex and affection. If and when any one girls spins out of my orbit, I have others to keep up the slack. And all the while I work to bring new girls into the mix.

The trade off is that transient nature of it can be tough, especially when girls you like spin off. But then again everything in life is transient.

This is why men need to be internally referenced – have a larger mission in life besides relationships – if we’re to avoid falling back into the blue pill trap like the men in the Atlantic article.

Stay strong, keep the frame, and have relationships on your terms.

As always – welcome your thoughts and comments.

Relationships on My Terms

One of my big focus areas these past three years has been harem building and retention.  It’s a type of pimp game in that you bring the girl into your orbit, consciously build her attachment to you, and shape her into what you want her to be. 

For me this is a sweet spot in the “r/K” or “lover/provider” spectrum. You build a connection with the girls in your rotation, often over months and sometimes years, but you have your freedom to be with other women as you please.

Bringing a girl into your rotation is like training a puppy, you reward and punish behaviors to enforce behavior. You lead her through a range of experiences, most importantly good sex, to get her hooked. It’s also important that your frame is 100% consistent with that of being a lover and you don’t slide into “boyfriend” behaviors or show signs of weakness.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is pimp.jpg
Close…but I’m not one to wear hats

Iceberg slim’s autobiography has good examples, especially the advice he gets from the experienced pimp named Sweet.  And women do their own competing form instinctively as the process of “Betacization” As a man you have to be leading with your own relationship game or you will instead fall into the woman’s frame. 

“A good pimp is always really alone. You gotta always be a puzzle, a mystery to them. That’s how you hold a whore. Don’t get sour. Tell them something new and confusing every day. You can hold ’em as long as you can do it.”

“A pimp is the loneliest bastard on Earth. He’s gotta know his whores. He can’t let them know him. He’s gotta be God all the way.”

Sweet, from Iceberg Slim’s “Pimp”

These are the best quotes from that book and there’s a lot of game in this. To keep regular girls with who know you’re sleeping with other girls and get zero drama, you’ve got to have a 100% strong frame. You’ve got to be mysterious. You only see them once a week or less. You only text 1-2 times a week. And when you see them you fuck them good.

But to really convert her, you give her a range of emotions. You introduce her to new experiences inside and outside of the bedroom. You use BDSM and dirty talk to spike her emotions and connect with you. Occasionally you introduce a bit of controlled drama to give her the rollercoaster of emotions. You continue to escalate the compliance ladder with her inside and outside the bedroom to ensure she’s fully invested. Conversion is an art.

Converting a girl to you can be dark or light depending on what you want to do, which is why it’s rarely talked about.  This same process could be used to pimp out certain girls like in the book or to get yourself a sugarmama, but I’ve focused on it as way to build relationships on my terms. Creating wonderful, concurrent open relationships and life experiences with a variety of girls who’s company I enjoy.

Women get their agency through men, and they look for the right man to make the experiences and life that they want.  Myself, I look for girls who want to this experience. To discover themselves and the world, sexually and otherwise.  I’m the experienced man of the world who shows them the way. 

I’ve enjoyed seeing how girls blossom into what I want them to be all the while they enjoy the experience.  This is the same plot-line of romance novels, although with the fantasy in the end that the heroine wins the player over exclusively.  Women want you to be the man.  To lead.  To be “daddy”.  

As a man you have to know how to lead them through this nature to create something positive for both of you.  This is the “dance” I’ve alluded to in the past. 

The girl I call “Little me” ghost wrote an essay about me and told me about it so I could find it (she ghost wrote it via the author who’s actually pictured, Alexandria Brown, who is not Little Me).  It’s as good an example of how a woman truly wants to feel – the unsure excitement of whether or not she can win over a high value man:

I like complicated. I like dark. I like mysteries that need unraveling. I like you. I like everything you bring to the table even though all you can give me is a few late nights and never any early mornings. I like not knowing where this is going and if I’m ever going to see you again. I’m addicted to the rush that comes along with getting you every once in a while. It excites me.


“Little Me” writing about yours truly makes her feel.  Do read the whole thing.

Don’t be fooled.  This turmoil is what a woman truly wants.  Sexually I’ve seen how much women crave being dominated and submitting to a worthy man.  It’s no different emotionally.  But it has to be with the right balance.

These ongoing non-monogamous mini relationships have been the highlight of my life in game.  Far more than crazy game stories on how I managed to close a girl or one night stands.  I see this as my sweet spot. 

Both the girl and I get great sex, positive experiences, and good memories.  I get the freedom and variety I need as a man, but also gives me an outlet for the “affection addiction” that causes so many players to retire from the game.  

After this recent three week trip to New York I’m wondering if my desire to focus on this aspect of game came from the fact that SF is such a poor dating market for men.  It can take weeks for me to find girls who fit the bill above, and so when I do I want to ensure I manage the (open) relationship well. 

It may be tempting to go more “r” selected on the spectrum and just do one night stands when I move to NY.  But I don’t see myself going away from keeping 2-3 regular girls in my life (even while I enjoy regularly finding sport fucks on the side). 

I’m glad I spent the time in SF that I did. I don’t think it’s likely I’d have consciously focused on this skillset if I’d been in an easy city like NY.  

These have been some of the most fulfilling relationships I’ve ever had, even as these women come and go from my life over time.  

Magnum’s Blog – Month 1

Every new year’s day I do an annual exercise where I sit and write out all of the positive memories I’ve had from the past year.  I don’t let myself look at my calendar and I have to do it all in one go.  This accomplishes a couple of things. 

First, it’s an annual barometer of how well I’m living my life.  If I don’t have at least fifty positive memories from the previous year I’m not living right.  Secondly it’s a great reminder of just how amazing life is and it reinforces a positive mental picture of my life’s story.  

Today I realized I only just started writing this blog one month ago, thanks to the positive encouragement of Pancake Mouse, the Red Quest, and Nash.  They have definitely been right.  

On the one hand the last 30 days have felt like business as usual.  But taking a moment to look back I realize it’s been a pretty fucking amazing start to the year.  This past month I’ve been to two new countries, and slept with five new girls in addition to three of my regulars

I’ve written 19 posts including some I’m especially proud of such as my first date model and my thoughts on that there is no “end game” for men. In the past few weeks I’ve been in 95 degree tropical heat and now 4 degree freezing cold here in New York and everything in between.

And I’ve been making good progress across my goals for the year including launching a new business.

It’s been great to get some regular followers and some excellent comments as well.  Thank you all.

Our day to day can be rough sometimes.  But with a little perspective it’s easy to see how good life really is.  

Here’s to living large.

Goals for my NYC Winter Trip 2019

I’m sitting in the San Francisco airport waiting out a weather delay on my flight to NYC.  I’ll be staying at an airbnb there for the next three weeks in the my neighborhood of choice. 

I’m flying into a snowstorm and not a lot of people would choose to leave a warm winter city like SF to spend three weeks in the snow and cold, especially since I’ve barely gotten over the jetlag from spending three weeks abroad in Cambodia, Thailand, and Malaysia. 

But I’m a man on a mission to find a better home base that SF and after all my recent travels the past two years NYC is my leading candidate for now.  

The recent trip to Southeast Asia was successful for me since I was able to rule out that region as a place I would enjoy living, despite my success with women there.  It’s simply too hot and uncomfortable, and you end up spending all of your time indoors at malls to avoid the heat.

I’ve been all over the US and Western Europe (I lived in London for two years and traveled weekly in Europe and the Middle East for work), and from the hundreds of trips to those cities I can safely say NYC is the only city I enjoy at least as much as my native SF.  I’ve been to NY five times, including three times in the last two years, but I’ve never been for more than a week and I’ve never been in the dead of winter. 

The purpose of this trip is to put New York to the test.  If I enjoy in the dead of winter as much as I have on past trips then I will make the move in August when my lease in SF expires.

Here are the advantages I see with New York over SF:

  • It’s a bigger city with more to do, and a bigger dating pool.
  • It has the best male / female ratio of any large city in the US.  I’ve experienced this first hand…I got closed three new girls in 5 days during my last trip to NY in May.  I’ve also gone on dates (but didn’t close) with working models in NY.  These girls simple don’t exist in SF.
  • NY is the best US city for daygame.
  • NY has a lot of attractive girls from Eastern Europe which are my favorite.  These girls barely exist in SF.
  • I’ve lived in San Francisco for five years now and frankly it’s feeling a bit too familiar.  I’ve got memories on almost every single corner.
  • NY puts me closer to Eastern Europe, where I will be exploring for alternative home bases over the next few years.  I will be in Krakow and Prague in May, with more trips to come.
  • I work remotely so there is no impact to me professionally, but the timezone will actually make my job easier.

Here are the downsides that I see:

  • I will have to let go of two of my best regulars of all time, something I’m prepared to do.  Nothing lasts forever.
  • The cost of living is about the same as SF, so I don’t get the improved cash flow that I would if I were to move to just about any other city in the world.  I’ll be analyzing the tax impacts this tax season to confirm this.
  • The weather.

There may be more tradeoffs I’m not aware of.  But this seems like a good tradeoff for me right now.  I’ve moved five times within SF in the five years I’ve been divorced as I’ve been experimenting with what works best for me. So this move is a natural extension of the path I’ve been on.  

As usual I’ve got a pipeline of five dates scheduled for the first three days I’m there with more to come.  I’ll be meeting up with several of my NYC friends while I’m there as well, including for some daygame sessions.  It should be a good trip despite the cold. 

Let the next adventure begin.

Book Review: Sex Clubs, Non-monogamy, and Game by the Red Quest

I had the privilege of being one of the men that the Red Quest asked to provide input on the manuscript for his book, “Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game“.  He’s finished the book in part with my input and is now giving the book away for free (downloadable at the link).

Worthwhile read

It’s a unique book based on his years of experience in the sex club / swinger scene in his city.  In the first half of the book he covers why a man would want to include sex clubs as part of his game, and in the second half of the book he shares lots of specific examples from his own dating life.  

Personally I haven’t had direct experience with sex clubs.  I’ve had FFM threesomes, and I once took a 22 year old I was dating to a sex club here in San Francisco.  But we left after 10 minutes, the club was slow and frankly we didn’t like the looks of anyone else there.  So I was curious to read Red Quest’s take on this scene and how to integrate it into non-monogamous relationship management.

As I’ve written about here and here, it’s your role as a man to lead your woman.  Lead her experience and take her to places she’s never been before.  Doing this right I’ve been able to keep the attractive women I want in my life, without having to promise monogamy.  Women want to be lead by an exciting lover as a means for them to experience the world.  And I can see from “Sex Clubs, Non-Monogamy, and Game” that sex clubs could be part of your larger game in doing this leading…if you had the skills and inclination.

After reading this book, here are the positives I see for bringing your girls to sex clubs:

  • you frame yourself as top tier lover because you’ve opened her to experiences she’s only fantasized about but would never make happen on her own
  • her attraction for you can increase as she watches you fuck other girls (preselection at its most primal)
  • you can leverage her for variety both by swapping her with other couples and also having her recruit other girls for you
  • the sex club scene in your city becomes a long term “ecosystem” / social circle you can leverage for constantly finding new partners – if you have the social savvy and sex skills to be a top-tier guy in the sex club scene in your city

Here are the downsides I see:

  • I doubt most guys can pull this off – this is advanced level game and your looks, game, and sex skills need to be on point.  You need a strong frame and ability to lead
  • other guys will try and poach your girl
  • you have to manage not just your relationship with the girl you bring but your relationship with the other couples you play with
  • most guys won’t enjoy watching “their” girl fuck other guys…even if it means they get to fuck other girls at the same time
  • From my very limited experience in San Francisco I’m not convinced there are many attractive women in the sex club scene (I’m picky and prefer petite college aged girls)

I think this is a worthwhile read to any one who’s had some curiosity about the sex club world.  There’s value here in reading about Red Quest’s advanced level game in action, even if all you’re looking to do is merge girls you’re already dating into a FFM threesome with you. 

Read it and decide for yourself if it’s a world you want to enter.  

There is No End Game

A lot of men have been talking about end game (RedQuest | Roy Walker | Troy Francis | Krauser / Jimmy Jambone among others).  (addition 1/27: Tom Torero weighs in that there is no end game). The question seems to be, “is being a player all there is?” and “what comes after being a player?”.  It seems for many that after 5-10 years in the game the rush of getting yet another notch doesn’t do it any more. 

I suspect what this ultimately comes down to is that men want pair-bonding.  I’m 44 years old and have personally experienced the full range of types of relationships with women, from same day sport fucks to fuck buddies to harems to girlfriends to my marriage (ended 5 years ago). 

From this experience I truly believe that sexual pair-bonding with a woman can’t last more than 3-5 years tops, before your relationship degrades into routine without any real spark.  This is how nature intended it:  pair up long enough to produce offspring and get them into childhood, then rotate to a new partner to diversify your genes.  We can’t get around our DNA.  

So I’m at peace with being a player forever.  As a man you have to be able to bring new women into your life on an ongoing basis, and pair-bond with them as you see fit. 

What fits best for me (every man is different) is having 2-4 regular girls at a time in my life, where I see each once a week.  In effect this is a portfolio of girls with whom I pair-bond in different ways for as long as the honeymoon period lasts (“sweet spot” might be a better term), in some cases for years and still going. 

What I like about this in effect is I’m always in the honeymoon phase, even as girls eventually come and go.  It’s on you as the man to manage these relationships properly and keep them fresh.  

With hedonic adaptation our brains gets used to routine.  I attribute a portion of my satisfaction with this lifestyle to the fact that I never let these mini relationships get routine.  I vary up where we go, what we do, how we fuck every single time.  How we lead the dance makes a difference in getting more satisfaction and longevity out of these relationships while they last.

None of these relationships will last “forever” because nothing in life lasts forever.  There is no end to this process, just like there is no end to exercise and good nutrition.  It’s a part of a healthy life and supports you in your higher mission, whatever that is for you.  

This is why we have to constantly game and constantly build value as men.  We are not meant to rest in life.  We’re meant to strive till we die. 

Honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Happiness is making progress towards meaningful goals.  Achieving those goals is anti-climatic. 

There is no end game.

Thoughts from my Trip to Bangkok 2018

I’m at the airport waiting for my flight to Kuala Lumpur.  Seems the perfect time to look back at my 12 days here in Bangkok.  It’s been the core of my trip this year, I prefer to spend more time in fewer cities when I travel.  It helps get a sense of the place and also to allow the time to meet and date girls.

I arrived in Bangkok with a fever from my lung infection and as well as stomach sickness.  Cambodia was rough on me.  But I knew Bangkok was a more modern city and I was determined to hit the dating sites hard to make the most of my time here.  A few rounds of antibiotics finally cleared me up around the time I got here so it was game on.

I prefer to pipeline dates before arriving in a city, but with Bangkok I quickly found the Thai girls are flaky and very short term in nature.  They like to book dates the day of or the day before, so although I was working tinder, bumble and OKC before I got here all those leads fizzled.  As is usual for a new country I also found I needed to calibrate my game more to the locals.  I added Thai Cupid to the sites I normally use and learned to adjust my approach using less English and more exchanges in the apps before pitching a date.  I also had to book as many dates as possible, knowing that about half would flake the day of.  

This brings me to the biggest difference I found with Thai girls verses any other country in which I’ve dated.  Once you’ve agreed a date they text you a lot.  Most of it is the girl asking a bunch of “comfort” questions such as “you work here?”, “why are you in Thailand?”, “do you have a girlfriend?” etc.  In the end I slept with all three Thai girls I met in person with very little ASD.  It felt as if they knew they’d want to sleep with me if they came out to meet, so instead they put their ASD into the texting up front.  It was interesting to watch and of course I knew how to handle all the questions.

In the 7 days I gamed I had dates with four girls that actually didn’t flake.  One was foreign (Kenyan) and the rest where Thai.  I slept with all three Thai girls in the space of 5 days, similar to my results in NYC in May.  All three were on the 2nd date.  All three girls seemed to want to move towards boyfriend / girlfriend soon, more so than in other countries.   I Enjoyed my time with all each of these lucky ladies, but I also missed having girls who speak better English (Vietnam, Hong Kong, and Japan were all much better for that), and I could see I wouldn’t be content dating here full time.

The first girl was a very petite 94 pound 22 year old with the body of a teenager and an extremely tight ass.  She was very relaxed and admitted her favorite movie stars were Jason Stratham and Vin Diesel.  The girl has her type and found it in me. First date was a one hour coffee date and the 2nd date was a drink at my buildings rooftop bar before heading to my room for “just one more drink.”

The 2nd was a slightly older 27 year old who didn’t speak much English.  The first and 2nd dates were mostly done via eye contact, me talking with positive energy, and some google translate.  A great reminder you really don’t need words to close the deal, the body language and spark between a man and a woman are much more ancient than human language.   She was unsure on the 2nd date about sleeping with me, and we had a long eye contact session where she probed into my eyes and made the decision.  No words, but I could see it happen as she made her choice.  Very sweet.

The third girl was 19 and one of the most attractive girls I saw in Thailand.  5’7″ and 110 pounds.  She was in to me from the start, both because I’m tall and we “fit” together, and also because of my frame.  She has a very strong personality but I could sense underneath she was still a girl in search of a strong older man she could feel safe with.  She fell into my much stronger fame and we just clicked.  She mentioned how everyone found her to be a hard bitch in her social circle but with me she was nothing but a sweetheart.  Another reminder that women will fall in to your frame as long as it’s real and congruent with you.  Her and I had four dates over two days as I wanted to maximize the time with her before Miss Singapore arrive for my last four days and I shifted to spending all my time with her.

On the whole I found Bangkok a hot mess.  Way too crowded, hot, and chaotic for me to be comfortable living there.  My take is that it is highly over rated even compared to Saigon, but that westerners rate it highly because it’s cheap and because of the sex industry there.  With this trip I have ruled out southeast Asia as a place where I would want to live part or all of the year.   But despite the initial calibration frustration the girls I met made up for the roughness of the place.  Besides the two girls in Singapore I’ve met over the last year these were some of my favorite girls yet on any of my travels.