Relationships are like salsa dancing. As the man you have to lead, but it’s a partnership between the both of you. It also take much longer for a man to learn salsa than a woman, just like relationships. But we have no choice but to do it.
The first time I went salsa dancing was on a 2nd date with a very cute Czech girl. We got a little drunk, and she said she wanted to salsa (she was good). In my inexperience I said “sure”. When in doubt I say “yes”, but in retrospect I should have avoided putting myself into a situation where I was a beginning in front of a girl I was interested in.
At the club I didn’t have any inhibitions and did my best to lead by watching the other couples. If you’ve never danced salsa, the man leads and decides every twirl and step. He completely controls the woman’s experiences. She gets to twirl around and he looks like h’s just doing a few steps, but the realty is she follows his movements and interpretation of the music completely. The entire quality of her experience is on him. It takes years for a man to get good, in part because even an experienced woman can’t teach him. Whereas a woman can learn in a few sessions because she simply needs to respond to her partner.
So back to my salsa date, I did a fair job faking it for a man who had never even seen salsa dancing before. but eventually she craved the real thing and I let her dance with a short old guy in his 60’s. What a difference it was, and she loved it. Not surprisingly, I never did sleep with her. But I saw first hand how dating needs to be. We as men must lead and take the time to learn how to lead right. We can only learn through experience with some help from other men. It’s an art just like dancing. Maybe over time I’ll share how I’ve learned to do it right.
Life is at best bittersweet. We all have ups and downs and often it’s how you respond to the downs that make the different between a happy and an unhappy life. We have to embrace the challenges life throws at us, making progress on this frankly is what makes life satisfying. If it were all ups and no downs we’d go crazy, like the young guys who make a fortune selling a company and wind up dead a few years later from a drug overdose.
I was reminded of this yesterday. I’ve had this damn plantar wart on the left ball of my foot for years. I was a runner and pounded it deep into my foot, and I didn’t treat it since It thought it was a callous. It was only when it started to throw off my gait that I had it checked out and started treatment. I started treatment 3 years ago. This mean cryo-freezing my foot and limping on it for days – every 6 weeks. For 3 fucking years.
It didn’t want to get better and I was sick of the painful process, but I stuck with it. Last month the damn thing just up and disappeared. It was big one day and a few days later it was like it never existed. The treatments finally stimulated my immune system to eliminate the virus.
More detail than you wanted to know. But a great little reminder of exactly how life is. We have to know when to persevere, often for years without much feedback, but this is how to succeed.
Andrew Tate gets it right by hard-nexting his girl after she shit-talked him and his brother:
As a man you need to define clear boundaries with your women and you need to enforce them. Consistently. She will test them. She needs to feel that you will enforce them. It makes her feel safe and it’s an opportunity for her to “rub up against your internal strength” like a cat might rub up against your leg.
Withdrawing attention for a few moments, days, or permanently – depending on the infraction – is the best tool we as men have to enforce our boundaries and demonstrate our leadership to our women. It’s the prime example of leading in the daughter / daddy dynamic.
I see men fall down on this all the time. You have to enforce boundaries. And you have to be willing to leave your women at any time if she crosses the line.
Keep your game sharp so you always have options, and keep your frame sharp so you always enforce your boundaries.
I hate Christmas. That is to say I hate the consumerism under the guise of Christmas. It’s become a Pavlovian stimulus to get people to buy shit, coupled with a media induced set of expectation of how to live and what to during December.
I live my life how I want. It’s perfect and Christmas is disruptive to that balance. If I had my way every day would be a weekday. Only those with shitty lives look forward to weekends and holidays. f This year though I had one of the best Christmas moments as an adult. Every year I spend Christmas traveling. My work makes us take 2 weeks off during the holidays and my city becomes dead during that time.
I’d go stir crazy if I stayed home doing nothing. So I take the opportunity to explore new countries.
This year the girl I call “little me“, one of my regular girls, was spending some quality time with me before the break knowing it will be 3 plus weeks without seeing each other (like last year).
She teased me by playing Christmas music on my speakers knowing my grinchy ways. But it just fit and so I let it roll. We spent the day fucking and enjoying each other’s company all day, baking a paleo cake together in my kitchen.
It felt natural, like it’s supposed to be. I won’t ever have a monogamous relationship again. But her and I have seen each other weekly now for almost 2 years. She knows the deal and appreciates it and me for who I am. She’s grown up a lot since we met and it feels good to have a girl who’s grown in to me.
I’ll remember that day as one of the best adult Christmas’s ever. No expectations, no gifts, just the joy of each other’s company and the long terms fruits of our growing together.
Had a great daygame session a few weekend back with Nash and another wing. There was good (for my town) foot traffic due to the Christmas shipping, and we were all getting good sets. More importantly our comradery was great and we were all enjoying the conversation between sets. It can be hard to find good, like minded men.
I opened 5 sets and got 3 numbers. 2 flaked (I need to make my sets longer to get a strong hook point) but one was keen and I met up with her for drinks two days later. She was a tall Columbia girl, and her big fuzzy winter jacket made an easy opener as I teased her. I remember making a strong split second eye lock with her a minute or so in, and as so often it is these moments where a girl decides she’s going to sleep with you.
Our first date was OK, her energy was low with finals for school and her work schedule. But I had her laughing and did some good kino and got her feeling good emotions. I’ve had over 200 first dates in the last 2.5 years, so I feel my sense is fairly calibrated, and I sensed she’d agreed to a 2nd date invite, which is to say an invite to my place for sinner and (usually) sex. But she didn’t respond to my text the next day. Not a big deal, girls ghost me all the time, but I wondered how my calibration could be off. I’ve been traveling a lot and mostly seeing my regular girls, so I figured i must be rusty.
10 days later she texts me out of the blue wishing me a good trip to Cambodia. She even remembered the day I was leaving. If I had to guess I’d say she knew the next date meant sex, so she put the breaks for any sex before knowing a 3 week trip was in the works (for her as well, she was going to spend winter break at home in Columbia).
Girls can be random. We’ll see how this ends, to me it’s not big deal whatever happens. But good to know my calibration is sharp as ever as I head to Cambodia and Thailand.
I believe there are two main romantic templates between men and women. They come from childhood and are hard wired into the human brain. And I believe this sheds some light on what guys ado wrong these days and also hat we as men can do right.
For lack of better words to describe the two romantic templates (dynamics) a man can experience with a woman are:
mommy / son
daughter / daddy
Women experience the same two but I’ll explain it from the man’s perspective since that’s what I know. We grow up as boys experience unconditional love from our mother (hopefully – if she didn’t provide this then the boy is fucked).
A healthy mother loves you no matter what, and takes care of you. As it should be.
The problem is that when boys grow up and start dating and start looking for this mommy / son dynamic in the women they date.
Your girlfriend or wife is not your mother. She can never love you unconditionally, only instead for what you ring to her life. Most guys don’t understand this, and it is trying to make this dynamic work is the dynamic of the beta male.
The other romantic dynamic is daughter / daddy. This is not meant as an Electra complex …but in that you are the man and you lead. You are older and more experienced and you take care of things and also set boundaries.
A father does not rely on his daughter to take care of him or provide support, he does this for her. Loving you for playing this role in her life is the only way a woman can love a man that’s not her actual father.
And this love is entirely conditional. Unconditional love is saved for her children.
This dynamic is what women crave. Whenever I have given this gift to women they are happy. The burden of man is that he had to lead and support, and he can’t burden his women with his problems.
In addition it helps to have an air of gravitas and mystery to her, just like she gets from her actual father. This is a deeply ingrained template in our DNA, you can’t deviate from it.
Men can only be loved unconditionally from their actual mother. It’s a burden we bear but I can tell you from hard experience that the joy and feminine energy you will unleash in your women from doing this right offsets that downside.
When she trusts you are strong enough to lead this dynamic she will feel safe and blossom with you.
I highly recommend Yoni Balls to teach your women to be more orgasmic. Give them as a gift to any woman you’re dating. All she has to do is wear the one that fits her like a tampon as she goes about her day. Best if she works her way down to smaller ones as she goes. It works by automatically strengthening her pelvic floor muscles. If she sticks with this over a period of a few weeks to months on a daily basis she has a good chance of becoming multi-orgasmic.
One of the girls I’m seeing who I call “Little Me” tried them on the recommendation of one of her fellow yoga instructors. She went from having 1-2 orgasms every time we had sex to having 5-10 every time. That means cumming every few minutes while we fuck. She can now have multiple in a row as well. It’s amazing.
I gave these as gifts to two other girls I’ve been seeing regularly. I enjoy being the one to lead them through experiencing the world in new ways and opening up their sexuality to what is possible for them. This is the right leading frame for male / female polarity in a relationship.