BDSM Experiences and Game

Variety and excitement go a long way for not only making life more interesting, but also to help build bonds with the girls you like in your life and keep them hooked on you.  It’s those little hits of dopamine you and her get, at random, that builds the bond. 

I see this as part of the larger theme of “push/pull” in game.  At the relationship level, push/pull shows up as having intense and exciting time together, and then spending time apart (a week or more) and let the “missing you” feelings build.  The push/pull “dance” in this way keeps relationships exciting without going stale.

With all that said experimentation continues to be the theme of both my life and my ongoing game.  I continue to have new things that interest me to include not only in my life, but to share it with key regular girls of mine and keep the intensity going. 

One focus area I’ve been exploring more is BDSM.  I see dominance and Variety as two of the key aspects of sex game (emotional connection and being present in the moment are the other two I focus on). 

BDSM provides both tools for variety and direct means to be highly dominant in the bedroom in ways few men truly understand.  But women love it. When doing simple things like using a bit of rope to tie them up, I’ve heard girls say countless times, “nobody’s ever done that to me before”. 

Throwing these basic BDSM elements into your sex game, but never doing it the same way twice, keeps the excitement alive for both of you while giving her experiences and memories she can’t get elsewhere.

As I’ve continued to look for new ways to bring elements of BDSM that I actually enjoy into my game.  These week I tried two things.  The first was taking artsy girl to a BDSM dungeon.  The second was taking a BDSM ropes class.  The dungeon was a bust but the ropes have been great.  Let me share why.

BDSM clubs differ from the sex clubs like Red Quest writes about in that the focus at these places are BDSM “scenes” at various stations.  Sex does happen in some of these scenes, but the majority are about other acts such as flogging, bondage, spanking, needle play, and pretty much anything else you might want to do. 

This visit was the first for both artsy girl and me, and we went with the expectation that we would just watch and not participate.  I was hoping at least to get ideas or see techniques that I could learn from and bring into the portfolio of things I enjoy doing at home.  

Unfortunately as you might expect the majority of the 150 attendees or so were unattractive.  What was especially striking was that I was the only man there over 6 feet tall.  That’s really rare in a group that size and tells me there is some selection bias involved.  

The other disappointment was that the scenes were nothing special.  Yes there was a couple having doggy style sex on one of the tables, and there were women in other harnesses submitting to men using hands and vibrators on them.  But these acts were not impressive.  And the majority of scenes were actually fairly tame things like rope bondage with intricate knots and suspension, or very mild flogging that really equates more to a kind of sensual massage. 

My take way from the above is that the real kick for these BDSM dungeons is the exhibitionism. 

Nothing wrong with that, but personally if the mood strikes me I’d rather be an exhibitionist at a proper sex club or party with attractive people around, or by sneaking in public sex on a rooftop or restaurant bathroom or the like (I highly recommend men doing this on the sly public sex on dates with your regulars).

It was good to check it out and have the experience, as well as to confirm though that I’m already doing as much as people who’ve been in the BDSM “community” for decades.

The other thing I explored this week on the BDSM theme was a rope tying class.  This is where “riggers” (people who enjoy tying up partners) go to share and teach techniques. 

I’ve found pretty much all women enjoy being tied up, and for a long time I’ve had a set of spread-eagle ties under my mattress so I can tie girls down to my mattress by their wrists/ankles when the mood strikes me.  I’ve actually had girls I’m seeing complain, “you haven’t tied me up in a while” .

But I found going to the class and learning a few basic knots was not only fun but went a long way.  Over the weekend as I used them with two of my regular girls they enjoyed the additional skill and art to what I was able to do.  I could also see them wonder where the hell I learned that, and keeping that sort of mystery adds fuel to your game.  I enjoyed it.

Crash Restraint is a great resource for all things rope bondage, and he even has a free online course step by step where you can learn the basics at your pace at home.

I plan to keep learning more techniques like rope bondage.  It keeps things interesting, and adds new dimensions to the already strong variety in my game. 

And it’s a lot of fun.

Enhanced Connections

Last year I did my first ayahuasca ceremony, in part due to the encouragement of Goldmund. Although not life changing and I didn’t commune with God the way everyone else there claimed to, it was a positive experience and I came away mentally stronger and more calm.

I remember the shaman given me a extra dose beyond what he gave everyone else “for my life” as he said. Ayahuasca has been shown to strengthen your cerebral cortex, which seems consistent with my experience.

Ayahuasca
A fairly good representation

One of the effects of the ayahuasca was that I lost the desire to do drugs. The years prior I’d done my share of experimentation, all part of this exploring and optimization phase of my life. For the past 5 years I’ve been relentlessly trying new things as I take on what works and optimizes the life that I want for myself.

I also learned from the ceremony the importance of going into a psychedelic trip with intent, and the need to lead the experience to ensure it’s a positive one. And I took that experience into my past weekend.

Little me and I enjoyed another fun little weekend this time having done a night kayaking trip to see the bioluminescence up at Tamales bay. It was definitely worth the trip, I’ll always remember the shine of the bioluminescence trailing off my paddle while the shine of the stars in the pure night sky twinkled above. The black of the water and the the black of the sky seemed to merge, it was as if I was paddling across the night sky.

Of course, Little me and I enjoyed some spontaneous sex in the back seat of my car on the way up on a quiet country road. Life is best when you enjoy positive experiences in spontaneous ways, so that is always seems fresh.

The next day were were enjoying Sunday brunch and rolling with the vibe we decided to do an acid trip for the afternoon and see where it led. We were both feeling good and we brought this feeling into the trip, which is key.

It took about an hour for the LSD to hit and I took us for a walk along the Embarcadero as it started to intensify. It’s best to enjoy outside stimulation in a positive environment, and we wandered around the city including the SFMOMA and its gift shop to play with the toys before heading back to mine. All the while I was in control and leading.

Here’s where it got interesting. Once on my couch and not moving we could feel the trip stronger than when moving. The vibe of the house music I was playing set a sensual tone and we started kissing.

I can’t properly describe the experience verbally by saying how close we felt, as if our bodies merged as one in perfect tune with each other. She was completely immersed and orgasmed over and over again. It was extra easy for me to feel her response, make her edge, and then push her over the top. I led the experience verbally with her, leading our minds together. All the while I could feel the music and also enjoy the visuals when I closed my eyes.

It was the most completely immersive experience both sexually and mentally in how we connected. Little me and I felt especially close the next day. I very much like how our connection was further strengthened.

I’ve been with plenty of women and I’ve experimented with most drugs. So I’m not sure what made this trip so much better. Little me and I have a very strong connection and sexual chemistry, and I was able to build on that. The ayahuasca trip last year taught me how to control even the most intense of experiences, and this one came naturally and easily.

This is what I want from life. The internalized knowledge of what is best, and the ability to use that to make the best experiences for myself and those I care about.

As always welcome your thoughts and comments below.

The Deepest Red Pill

I find the transient nature of relationships to be the darkest red of the red pill

I was married for 13 years.  I believe the reason we lasted so long was that I truly believed we loved each other.  It was only when I saw after all those years that she did not love me for who I am, but rather for what I could do for her, that I choose to leave her. 

I was very blue pill and I’ve come a long way.

This article today in the Atlantic reminded me of this:

Women, more than men, tend to feel stultified by long-term exclusivity

Wednesday Martin, The Atlantic

This quote is absolutely spot on. Read a book like “Sperm Wars” or even Tom Torero’s “Below the Belt“. Or better yet get years of real world experience as I have between my former ex’s and the many women I’ve dated since. The red pill reality becomes clear.

Blackdragon did a very good interview with a woman who was unusually aware and candid of her nature. It’s the most red pill thing I’ve ever read. Every man should read this to understand female nature.

Women have a dual mating strategy. They either want you for your DNA (lover) or for your resources (provider). Women are not capable of loving you for who you are as an individual man.

Women love what you can do for them, their love is reserved for their children. And women are never loyal to you. They are loyal to your power.

It’s driven by biology. Nature sets us up with infatuation to pair bond for a couple of years tops to make a baby, and then there is some sort of internal mechanism that causes women to eventually tire of a man as a lover and look elsewhere for a new source of DNA, in order to diversify her offspring and maximize her chances of passing on her genes.

It can be painful for men to accept this because even no matter how tight your game is, no matter how much a girl is in to you, at some point she will eventually move on.

There is no end game, there is no one girl that will be your “ride or die” girl for life. I find this transient nature to be the darkest red of the red pill.

I believe this is why most men, even experienced players, close their eyes to reality and entertain romantic fantasies such as “this girl is different from all the rest,” and why men have unfounded purity fantasies of some girls being “good girls” and some girls being “bad girls”.

It’s completely false. All women are out to get good DNA at points in their life, while keeping up the good girl front so they can eventually win over a provider. It’s nature’s way, I don’t blame women one bit.

But there is no ideal situation for men. We are not the choosers when it comes to sex. Instead we can either:

1. Go for pair bonding and a relationship knowing that there is a shelf life of just a few years of passion. She may stay with you and she may not even cheat, but her passion for you will die.

2. Or have ongoing one night stands and harems with girls that come and go from your life over time.

For me, the short to medium term harem option is the best trade off. I create a portfolio of sex and affection. If and when any one girls spins out of my orbit, I have others to keep up the slack. And all the while I work to bring new girls into the mix.

The trade off is that transient nature of it can be tough, especially when girls you like spin off. But then again everything in life is transient.

This is why men need to be internally referenced – have a larger mission in life besides relationships – if we’re to avoid falling back into the blue pill trap like the men in the Atlantic article.

Stay strong, keep the frame, and have relationships on your terms.

As always – welcome your thoughts and comments.

Relationships on My Terms

One of my big focus areas these past three years has been harem building and retention.  It’s a type of pimp game in that you bring the girl into your orbit, consciously build her attachment to you, and shape her into what you want her to be. 

For me this is a sweet spot in the “r/K” or “lover/provider” spectrum. You build a connection with the girls in your rotation, often over months and sometimes years, but you have your freedom to be with other women as you please.

Bringing a girl into your rotation is like training a puppy, you reward and punish behaviors to enforce behavior. You lead her through a range of experiences, most importantly good sex, to get her hooked. It’s also important that your frame is 100% consistent with that of being a lover and you don’t slide into “boyfriend” behaviors or show signs of weakness.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is pimp.jpg
Close…but I’m not one to wear hats

Iceberg slim’s autobiography has good examples, especially the advice he gets from the experienced pimp named Sweet.  And women do their own competing form instinctively as the process of “Betacization” As a man you have to be leading with your own relationship game or you will instead fall into the woman’s frame. 

“A good pimp is always really alone. You gotta always be a puzzle, a mystery to them. That’s how you hold a whore. Don’t get sour. Tell them something new and confusing every day. You can hold ’em as long as you can do it.”

“A pimp is the loneliest bastard on Earth. He’s gotta know his whores. He can’t let them know him. He’s gotta be God all the way.”

Sweet, from Iceberg Slim’s “Pimp”

These are the best quotes from that book and there’s a lot of game in this. To keep regular girls with who know you’re sleeping with other girls and get zero drama, you’ve got to have a 100% strong frame. You’ve got to be mysterious. You only see them once a week or less. You only text 1-2 times a week. And when you see them you fuck them good.

But to really convert her, you give her a range of emotions. You introduce her to new experiences inside and outside of the bedroom. You use BDSM and dirty talk to spike her emotions and connect with you. Occasionally you introduce a bit of controlled drama to give her the rollercoaster of emotions. You continue to escalate the compliance ladder with her inside and outside the bedroom to ensure she’s fully invested. Conversion is an art.

Converting a girl to you can be dark or light depending on what you want to do, which is why it’s rarely talked about.  This same process could be used to pimp out certain girls like in the book or to get yourself a sugarmama, but I’ve focused on it as way to build relationships on my terms. Creating wonderful, concurrent open relationships and life experiences with a variety of girls who’s company I enjoy.

Women get their agency through men, and they look for the right man to make the experiences and life that they want.  Myself, I look for girls who want to this experience. To discover themselves and the world, sexually and otherwise.  I’m the experienced man of the world who shows them the way. 

I’ve enjoyed seeing how girls blossom into what I want them to be all the while they enjoy the experience.  This is the same plot-line of romance novels, although with the fantasy in the end that the heroine wins the player over exclusively.  Women want you to be the man.  To lead.  To be “daddy”.  

As a man you have to know how to lead them through this nature to create something positive for both of you.  This is the “dance” I’ve alluded to in the past. 

The girl I call “Little me” ghost wrote an essay about me and told me about it so I could find it (she ghost wrote it via the author who’s actually pictured, Alexandria Brown, who is not Little Me).  It’s as good an example of how a woman truly wants to feel – the unsure excitement of whether or not she can win over a high value man:

I like complicated. I like dark. I like mysteries that need unraveling. I like you. I like everything you bring to the table even though all you can give me is a few late nights and never any early mornings. I like not knowing where this is going and if I’m ever going to see you again. I’m addicted to the rush that comes along with getting you every once in a while. It excites me.


“Little Me” writing about yours truly makes her feel.  Do read the whole thing.

Don’t be fooled.  This turmoil is what a woman truly wants.  Sexually I’ve seen how much women crave being dominated and submitting to a worthy man.  It’s no different emotionally.  But it has to be with the right balance.

These ongoing non-monogamous mini relationships have been the highlight of my life in game.  Far more than crazy game stories on how I managed to close a girl or one night stands.  I see this as my sweet spot. 

Both the girl and I get great sex, positive experiences, and good memories.  I get the freedom and variety I need as a man, but also gives me an outlet for the “affection addiction” that causes so many players to retire from the game.  

After this recent three week trip to New York I’m wondering if my desire to focus on this aspect of game came from the fact that SF is such a poor dating market for men.  It can take weeks for me to find girls who fit the bill above, and so when I do I want to ensure I manage the (open) relationship well. 

It may be tempting to go more “r” selected on the spectrum and just do one night stands when I move to NY.  But I don’t see myself going away from keeping 2-3 regular girls in my life (even while I enjoy regularly finding sport fucks on the side). 

I’m glad I spent the time in SF that I did. I don’t think it’s likely I’d have consciously focused on this skillset if I’d been in an easy city like NY.  

These have been some of the most fulfilling relationships I’ve ever had, even as these women come and go from my life over time.  

Magnum’s NYC Game Adventures – January 2019

Magnum’s Adventures in Game – NYC January 2019

If you haven’t seen my posts on the goals I had for my winter 2019 NYC trip, you can find the goals here and my overall decision post here

Goodbye text from NYC Girl number 4
….full story below

As is my custom for trips I pipelined several dates via online for my NYC trip.  This lets me hit the ground running with a solid pipeline and ensures I don’t get thirsty from a dry spell. I start to feel it after a few days of not getting laid.

Long lay reports are boring for me to write as most dates follow my first date model (unless I sense it’s on and then I escalate and bounce her home on date 1), and I prefer to look at the big picture trends, so below I’m summarizing my entire 2.5 weeks in NYC. 

As with every other trip I do outside of SF, dating felt on easy mode.   I could feel the difference in marketplaces and had to calibrate my approach a bit.  There were less flakes and all my lays were on the first date, not the second. I got way more IOI’s as well.

Like anywhere else, a man in Manhattan definitely needs to both have value and have game, but there are many more opportunities and it simply just doesn’t take as much persistence or work.

Here’s how things went for me:

  • Girl 1 – 23 year old student originally from Oklahoma.  My first night in New York and it was a brutal 4 degrees F outside (-16 C).  I had her holding my hands most of the date to help warm me up which was good kino.  Ran my standard first date model at a local bar, and felt it was on so I bounced her to a 2nd bar nearby, which became my favorite venue after this date.  I spent a bit too much time with her in bar 2 and we lost some momentum, and by the end I opted not to bounce her home.  Not sure why I passed up a likely lay, but I wasn’t in the mood.  I wasn’t dressed well for the cold.  
  • Girl 2 – 28 year old Costa Rican who admitted that she is dying to meet a man with whom she could be submissive with.  Somehow submissive girls always recognize me for the dominant I am.  Good conversation on a 1 hour first date.  I opted to do the two date model with her based on calibration and her age, but ended up cancelling with her during my date with Girl 4 below.
  • Had my one of my regular SF girls “Little Me” come in for a 36 hour visit.  I wanted to set the precedent for short trips as we’ll likely be in different cities in the near future.  We fucked all weekend and hit some great restaurants as well as the museum of sex.  One downside I found with NYC is the public restrooms don’t lend themselves as well to pulling your girl in for a quickie, which is a favorite pastime I got Little Me hooked on.  Sigh…there is no pussy paradise.
  • Girl 3 – 23 year old student.  Saw her the Sunday evening the day Little Me left for home.  Girl 3 flaked on me twice during my first week during the period of extreme cold (as did several others), but she begged me for a third chance.  I had nothing else booked so I gave it to her.  We met at a local bar and this was one of the strongest “it’s on” moments I’ve ever had.  Sometimes you’re just a girl’s type.  She was 5’9″ and tall girls always love my 6’3 frame so maybe that helped. I had to slow the date down to get to about a 45 minute mark before I bounced her to my apartment since I didn’t want to deal with ASD at my place.  She asked to take a shower after we got to my place, and then we fucked right away when she came out in a towel.  No ASD, and I opted not to see her again.
  • Girl 4 – 22 year old restaurant hostess.  Grew up on the lower east side.  Was planning on running my standard two date model as I had a date 2 planned later that evening to close Girl 2.  But once again things felt “on” from the beginning.  It started slow but the click was definitely there, so with the attraction there I opted to bounce her to another bar to build comfort, and I canceled my date 2 with girl 2 (younger and hotter always wins).  Lots of good kino and we’d have several random moments of intense eye contact, her with her lips open.  Again the bounce to my place was easy and no ASD.    Ironically I ended up flaking on her on a Friday night date 3 days later when things went well with girl 6 below.  But other than her calling me “naughty” she happily came out for another date with me on my last night in New York.  She also sent me the text I copied into this post the morning I left.  This girl fucked like a pornstar and wanted to do things for me to earn her favorite reward, me calling her a “good girl”.  Increasingly I’ve been deeply saying “good girl” as a reward when girls do something that pleases me.  I did this in the texting with miss Kuala Lumpur which I believe helped me get the lay, and Miss Singapore even asked out loud once “why does that hit my pleasure center so much?!”.  I really do love girls and how they are.
  • Girl 5- 25 year old freelancer from Connecticut.  She was just my type physically, and had a sweetness to her that I liked.  My read on her was that she was more “K” selected (close to her family, shares apartment with her sister, no tatoos, etc), so I opted for a 2 date model and cut the first date short after an hour.  We were both free the next date so I opted to do a dinner date at a restaurant.  In the end she wouldn’t bounce to my place for “one last drink” so I wrote her off.  I was disappointed to waste an evening on her, but I’d have taken the night off otherwise anyway.
  • Girl 6 – just turned 18 year old art student from Brooklyn.  A petite 5’1″ girl with a nice round booty, this girl was by far my favorite of the trip.  We had a Friday afternoon coffee date since she was so far underage.  We had clicked well in texting, this girl has one of the best senses of humor of any one I’ve met.  Our banter was great but there was a strong man/woman vibe.  After an hour at the cafe I was going to end the date and head out for an evening planned with girl 4, but girl 6 asked me, “what are we doing next?” so I rolled with it and bounced her to what was now my favorite bar in the east village, one block from my place.  The staff knew me well by this time so didn’t bother to card, and we continued our vibe over a nice drink (I had a virgin drink, and the art student indulged in a nice cocktail).  After another hour with some good kino and escalation I suggested she try the nice Bordeaux I had at my place and she agreed.  I cancelled my date with Girl 4 right before we planned to begin so I could keep momentum with Girl 6 (younger and hotter always wins).  Being younger I could see that Girl 6 she was a bit nervous knowing what that meant.  I gave her more time to roam around my apartment that I normally do, although I teased her comparing her to a nervous little kitten.  It was rather fun watching her settle the nerves and make her inner decision of whether or not to fuck me, I watched with a bit of a grin from the couch confident in the inevitable as I let her settle in.  She then sat across from me on the coffee table rather than next to me on the couch, a clear sign that she needed to build comfort.  One of the advantages to being older is that I’m never in a hurry and I just relaxed and let her do what she needed, I think she felt this and it relaxed her.  It’s no big deal to me if I don’t get laid on any given night because I always have a rotation, and girls can feel this.  The art student started asking me questions like, “do you live here or in SF?”, “do you only date young girls?” etc and of course I answered them all truthfully but tactfully.  It’s funny but girls rarely ask me questions on dates, instead I lead the conversation but asking questions and letting them talk about themselves.  The questions here was much like the text questions I was getting from girls in Bangkok prior to first dates, I smiled at the parallel.  When it finally felt right I pulled her across from the table into my lap as I sit on the couch and started kissing her.  Within about 30 seconds she panted “do you want to fuck me?” and I answered by simply picking her up and carrying her to the bed all the while I was kissing her.  We fucked twice that night and twice the next day.  Lots of vibing and fun conversation in between and not to much sleep.  We did it again two days later for a 2nd date.  She’s one I’ll keep in touch with for my return to NY.  She reminds me of the Stanford girl in dated in 2017, but this one was sweeter.
  • Girl 7 – 20 year old sorority girl from Rutgers.  We had good banter via texting and had also done a short skype call (which I cut short as always).  Date started well but it became apparent this girl was a bit insecure and liked to banter / accuse a bit too much.  When I moved things on to comfort she would keep moving things back to the banter phase, but in a way that didn’t feel sexual.  I ended the date after an hour and wrote her off.

I didn’t keep track but my memory is that I had three girls flake on me, all in the first week of extreme cold.  I flaked on two girls an hour before the date (girls 2 & 4 above), and I cancelled on maybe 3 or 4 others at various points when I was too tired to pursue.  This came from me having to calibrate to the NYC market, I’m used to girls flaking more in other cities so I was double booking evenings.  I also didn’t expect every lay to be a date 1 lay but girls in NYC don’t seem to hesitate once they know they want you.

SF vs NYC dating for men…in meme form

All of the above was from online, which is as good in NYC as anywhere I’ve been.  I did do a handful of daygame sets with Runner.  I number closed a cute blonde in SoHo but the number flaked (I approached off her huge IOI but then she was in a hurry after I stacked and so the interaction was way too short).  Did a second daygame session at the end of my trip with Runner in Penn station at night due to the cold, but the options were slim and frankly I was all fucked out from the girls above.

Red Quest wrote a good post that in game you only see the “Tip of the Spear” This is true.  My view of a man’s success in game is much like that of success in business…you need to work on all three:

  1. Your value.  In game you are the product.  The more you build your value (confidence, charm, charisma, physique, fashion, influence and social connections, sexual abilities, etc) the more women will want you.  If you’re not attractive the best game in the world will do you no good
  2. Your actual game.  This is sales of you as the product.  If you have high value but don’t approach women you won’t get laid.  They need to learn about you in an attractive way, and then you need to lead them from interest to close.  You need a systemic way of doing this (nightgame, daygame, online, social circle) and manage this whole sales funnel like a process.  To Red Quest’s point this is the part most men focus on.  In part I think a lot of lazy guys are looking for “game hacks” so they can avoid the hard work of building value which takes years.
  3. Your dating market.  Are there a lot of attractive younger women relative to men where you live?  I see now that I’ve made things much harder for myself by living most of my life in the worst counties in the country for men to date.  It likely contributed to me getting married as young as I did. But on the plus side I doubt I’d have developed my game skills as much as I have if SF wasn’t such a tough market for men.

I feel I’ve maximized my value as much as I can.  At 44 my fight is to preserve what I’ve built.  I’ve got room to improve my game but I’d say I’m solid at this point. 

Personally my biggest opportunity is to improve my market.  I look forward to my move to NYC.

I’ve Decided to Move to New York from San Francisco

Why I’m moving to NYC from SF this summer

Five years ago this month I was debating a decision.  Should I leave my marriage and move to San Francisco, or should I stay in San Jose with my wife of 13 years.  In the end the decision was clear and I moved to SF in March of 2014 and filed for divorce. 

Within weeks my only regret was that I didn’t make the change sooner.  I’ve had more personal growth and adventures in the past 5 years then I had in the prior 15.  I’ll have to do an origin post sometime soon to share just how far I’ve come.

Five years later and I’ve found myself at a similar decision on where to live.  Since my 2017 trips to Miami and Tokyo, I’ve been traveling as much as I can to find myself a new home base.  My focus has been Asia, since I know western Europe well enough already from my years in London that I don’t want to live there. 

The trips to Asia have taught me that I don’t like the tropical heat and that I prefer large, developed cities.  Outside of Tokyo, Singapore, or possibly KL – Asia is not for me…at least for now.

Which is what brought me to NYC.  This was my 6th lifetime trip, and every prior trip left me wanting more.  The goal of this trip was to test drive New York at its worst.  If I can be happier in NYC in the dead of winter it’s a clear upgrade from SF.  And that’s exactly how it went. 

As I’m writing this in the airport on the way home, as in 2014 in retrospect it feels like I’ve taken too long to make this decision.  But here we are.

The start of the trip was rough due to the extreme 4 degree Fahrenheit (-16 Celsius) weather where it was painful to be outside.  The winter gear I brought for the trip was woefully inadequate, and the 2nd floor walkup airbnb I rented in the East Village was poorly heated.   

It took me about a week to get used to things, but as the weather got better and I bought better gear things fell in to place.  I got what I wanted, NYC at its worst. And I’ve coming away feeling that NYC is home, just as in my past trips.

People make decisions based on emotion.  We rationalize them later with facts.  It’s true even for logical INTJ’s like myself.  I remember I was talking to Red Quest over lunch about New York and it just hit me as I was talking that I’d made the decision. 

Since then I’ve increasingly felt better and better about it.  But here’s my list of why NYC is a better home base for me:

  • NYC is cleaner.  I didn’t see any human shit or sleeping junkies on the streets.  I didn’t see a single drug dealer on the streets.  There were way less homeless even though NYC has way more people.
  • NYC is more walkable.  This is a big deal for me and my ongoing pain issues, as sitting in a car aggravates my injuries.
  • NYC feels about 10% cheaper, both rents and cost of living.  I can move here with no impact to my day job and get paid the same.  I’ll be running the numbers in detail come tax time next month.
  • NYC is bigger.  This is obvious, but it translates into more quantities of whatever type of thing you’re in to.  There’s more to experience.
  • NYC has a better male/female ratio.  Red Quest recommended the book, “Dateonomics” which I’ve read.  In it is actual data.  SF has 40K college grad women aged 22-29, with 42K men in the same demographic.  Manhattan has 115k college grad women aged 22-29 and only 83K men in the same demographic.  There are more single women then men, and just more women in general. You can simply see it on the street.  I get IOI’s in NYC everywhere I go.  Girls also flake less and are generally easier to sleep with.  I’ve broken down my dating experience for this trip on a separate post
  • SF has very few extremely attractive women.  These are still rare in NYC, but they exist.  The opportunity is there to meet them via daygame, as I found when out with Runner.

Finally one of the best things about this trip were the solid guys I got to meet up with.  Nash introduced me to his wing Runner, and we did two daygame sessions, and I met some of his wings as well. 

I had a couple of great dinners with my friend J, and I met up with Red Quest, and then Red Quest and Long Burn the Fire as well.  Lots of great conversation, I look forward to catching up more with all of these great guys when I return.  

There is no endgame for me.  I want the player’s life of freedom now more than ever, and I don’t feel any need for kids.   I still will be focused on exploring eastern Europe this year and in the future, there may be places I prefer to NYC. I haven’t been east of Prague and that will change with my trip to Poland this May. 

But in the meantime NYC is a clear upgrade and a great home base for my future adventures.  I’ll be making the move this summer.

First Date Model Hypocrite

I’m a hypocrite. No sooner did I publish a post advocating the two date model then I go and get four first date lays in less than a month.

It’s not that I’m being disingenuous. Rather it was writing the post on my first date model that made me examine what I do on a date and it made me spell out my escalation process. Again I have to thank the gentlemen who encouraged me to start this blog.

Since my first date model post I’ve been ensuring that I hit each question on every first date (in a calibrated way, fractionated with small talk and appropriate kino).

The lesson here is that the two date model is a good structure, but calibration trumps structure every time. If you feel that it’s on by all means pull the trigger.

Again I think writing that post helped me be more mindful and systematic regarding what I’ve been doing on first dates, and then with a bit of luck, calibration, and leadership things have gone my way.

I’ve done 7 first dates with new girls in January so far (with 4 more scheduled here in NYC). This is in addition to seeing one of my regulars in Bangkok in early January and two of my regulars in SF mid-month. Here’s the break down of January’s 7 dates so far:

1. (closed) the very fun date with the 21 year old Miss Kuala Lumpur

2. (lost) A 23 year old nursing student in SF, solid date but wouldn’t bounce home with me. Trailed off in the after date texting.

3. (closed) A 24 year old nursing student in SF who I bounced home after she was very clearly “on” and had both her legs in my lap.

4. (dropped) A 23 year old New York girl who came out on the coldest day of the year. We had two drinks and it felt like I could bounce her home, but I opted not to since I was cold and not in the mood.

5. (dropped) A 28 year old Costa Rican girl here in NYC. Positive date, I had a date 2 lined up but it was stacked after date 7 below so I cancelled on her when I opted to take date 7 back to my place.

6. (closed) A 23 year old New York girl who flaked on me twice, but then begged me to meet up, and once she showed up turned out to be one of the biggest “yes” girls I’ve ever dated. It was completely on within 5 minutes of meeting, but I waited until she finished her drink before bouncing her home to prevent LMR. There was none. It just shows that sometimes girls can be random.

7. (closed) A 22 year old native New Yorker who was also a strong click from the beginning. Massive eye contact. I opted to bounce her to two different bars before taking her home (and cancelled on the Costa Rican girl as I did it). Several rounds of wild sex and a very fun date overall.