My 2018 Year in Game Review

I’m relaxing here in my Bangkok apartment after getting three new notches in the last week.  I’ve got more leads for this trip but I’m not pursuing them hard.  I’ve opted to have miss Singapore, one of my regulars, come to town for my last few days to ring in the new year with me.

In many ways this is a good summary of my 2018 with women.  At 44 years old I’m having as much sex as I’ve ever had in my life, but compared to 2016 and 2017 it’s been more focused on a handful of regulars that I like, and less on new girls. 

For the most part I think I’ve got the balance right.  I continue to wonder if I can get better quality, as I usually do when I travel out of San Francisco.  And I’ve also begun to wonder, “what comes next?”  Do I continue this lifestyle indefinitely, I will I eventually want kids with a woman?

2017 was a banner year for me in game when my process finally came together.  I started out 2017 losing one of my favorite girls of all time because I accidentally scheduled a date with her best friend, and so I had to start the year building a rotation from scratch and also frankly also deal with the suck of losing a girl that I had such a strong connection with. 

By the end of the year I’ve developed a template for what I look for:  young, cute, a bit of an outsider, and wanting to explore the world.   In this template I’m the man this lucky girls gets to explore the big world with.  It’s the right dynamic for me, and I’ve gotten good at finding the right sort of girls and leading them down this path.  

Here are my stats and highlights from 2017:

  • 79 first dates (mostly from online dating)
  • 41 (52%) of these I chose not to pursue
  • 12 (15%) I pursued but couldn’t close
  • 26 (33%) I closed on the 1st date (4), 2nd date (20) or 3rd date (2)
  • Average age of a new girl was 23 (I turned 43 in mid 2017)
  • In my average month I slept with 5 different girls
  • I also had 3 carryover girls from 2016
  • I had sex 188 times in total, 63% was with four girls

Highlights included:

  • dating a former miss Ukraine I met from nightgame (didn’t close her) while out partying with CMQ and Goldmund
  • the 19 year old Singaporean track runner
  • the 19 year old Stanford student
  • starting things off with “Little me” (18 when we met) who I’m still seeing regularly and is my current favorite
  • Trips to Miami, Tokyo, NYC, Singapore, and Vietnam

With that background here are my stats and highlights form 2018:

  • 78 first dates (again mostly online dating)
  • 44 (56%) of these I chose not to pursue
  • 15 (19%) I pursued but couldn’t close
  • 18 (24%) I closed on the 1st date (3), 2nd date (13), or 3rd date (2)
  • 1 (1% – Miss Puffy Jacket) are still in play as of this writing
  • Average age of a new girl was 22 (I turned 44 in mid 2018)
  • In my average month I slept with 4 different girls
  • I also had 4 carryover girls from 2017
  • I had sex 192 times in total, 66% was with three girls

Highlights included

So maybe I’ve hit a plateau in 2018, or maybe having 3 of my 10 all time favorites in my regular rotation at once slowed me down in terms of pursuing new girls.  I think I’ve gotten pickier, and have chosen not to pursue marginal girls that I would have in the past just to get the notch.  Instead I had my regular girls and new girls came from trips or on occasion when I found one to my liking or felt like some variety.

In addition for the Hong Kong, Singapore, and now for part of the Bangkok trip I’ve chosen to see miss Singapore instead of pursue new girls the whole time (I still closed a few girls on these trips).  I had other work trips to several other cities where I didn’t game or fuck that entire trip, and I think that slowed down the notch rate as well.

Could I get better results from daygame?  Maybe in another city, but I find it hugely time consuming.  I’ve done 25 approaches from it this year and have one open lead back home from it that I may still close.

What I am most happy about is the stability I have with my three regulars.  Close connections with each in their own unique way, and all three know the deal and that I see other girls.  They are 20, 21, and 29 respectively.   All have known my age from the start and all also know that I see other girls. I’ve had no drama with any of them, which again tells me my frame is strong and I’ve internalized the skills of converting girls to me and keeping them happy in my rotation.  

2019 for me will be about deciding if I want to stay in San Francisco or move to another city, and also pursue other goals besides new women.

Cambodia 2018

I’m currently in the middle of a three week trip through Cambodia, Thailand, and Malaysia.  Every year my company does a two week holiday shutdown where we are forced to take vacation time.  I’ve found that it’s incredibly boring and lonely in San Francisco during that time, everyone goes home to the families and everything is closed.  It’s also the worst time of year to meet new women.  So I use the opportunity to travel and explore the world instead.

Last year I had a tremendous trip to Singapore and Vietnam, together with one of my closest friends.  I met one of my favorite girls of all time, a 19 year old Singaporean medical student, and we had a week long mini romance that I will always remember even though I’ll never see her again.  I also met the girl I call “miss Saigon”, a gorgeous 18 year old Vietnamese girl, who I saw again on my fall trip to Vietnam.  These two girls, plus the 3 weeks of adventure, reminded me of the big world out there that I have not been seeing due to my hip injury limiting my air travel for many years.  The fact that I was twice able to meet and build a connection with a very attractive girl within a week of being in each country also was a stark reminder to me that dating in San Francisco is one of the worst locations for men, given the supply of men vs women.  It just gets better most anywhere else.

The trip at the end of 2017 made me consider a move to the region.  My goal for this trip in 2018, along with my follow up trips to Hong Kong, Singapore and Vietnam this fall, was to see if I’d really want to make the move to the region, and to explore candidate countries.  That and enjoying a bit of travel game was my goal.  I’ve always been fascinated with the temples at Angkor Wat and I heard Cambodia was a bit of the “wild wild east” and so had to give it a look for myself.  I also wanted to check out Bangkok and Kuala Lumpur, as both have relatively easy residence visa programs.  So the trip was set.

I prefer to pipeline dates online before I hit a new city.  That way my first few days are filled with coffee and bar dates, and from these I can zero in on 1-2 girls I like to close.  If daygame or nightgame provides more leads I add them to the list, but I find the pipeline approach is the best way to ensure I meet cute girls quickly in a new city.  Talking with Nash at Days of Game who only does daygame confirms this, he finds it takes 2-3 weeks to typically start closing leads from daygame which makes sense.  My travel schedule doesn’t permit me to invest that much time in a city so online is the way for me. 

This trip I quickly found that online game in Cambodia is almost non-existent.  I’m not sure if this is because of low levels of English, or that the girls who are open to date foreigners all work as bar girls and pro’s.  But there just were not many girls on any of the dating apps.  So I hit the nightclub and bar areas guys mentioned from the forums and quickly found all the attractive girls in these bars were pro’s.  I tried my hand at getting a few to leave with me but they all wanted pay for play.   I walked around the streets looking for bars that weren’t hooker bars, but everything I saw was bar girls and pros, and a pair of ladyboys even tried approaching me on the street.  

The second day went better.  A local girl slid into my instagram DM’s and I invited her over to my hotel for a swim.  She was nice but unfortunately not up to my standards, so I used the opportunity to learn about good nightlife venues.  My friend and I then went to the nicest sky bar in town that night to take in the view and to avoid the hookers.  Great sunset view, and sure enough I spotted a cute girl drinking by herself which made for an easy opener.  I managed to pull her to my hotel bar for a second drink.  But I couldn’t pull her up to my place to “see the amazing view”.  So it goes.

The third day though I woke up with a lung infection and spent the next 24 hours in bed with a fever.   So much for my time in Phnom Penh.  My friend and I went to Siem Reap and spent the next three days visiting the temples.  It was hot and humid and I had a fever but I toughed it out, sleeping my way to recovery.

I did not close a Cambodian girl in Cambodia (I have closed a Cambodian american girl back home).  I’d have needed to spend more time in Phnom Penh and learn where the locals hang out, and focused on day game and night game.  But despite the challenges and the pain of being sick the temples were well worthwhile.  And the whole week I knew 12 days in Bangkok was next on the itinerary. 

I’ll save Bangkok for a future post.


Relationships are like Salsa Dancing

Relationships are like salsa dancing.  As the man you have to lead, but it’s a partnership between the both of you.  It also take much longer for a man to learn salsa than a woman, just like relationships.  But we have no choice but to do it.

The first time I went salsa dancing was on a 2nd date with a very cute Czech girl.  We got a little drunk, and she said she wanted to salsa (she was good).  In my inexperience I said “sure”.  When in doubt I say “yes”, but in retrospect I should have avoided putting myself into a situation where I was a beginning in front of a girl I was interested in.

At the club I didn’t have any inhibitions and did my best to lead by watching the other couples.  If you’ve never danced salsa, the man leads and decides every twirl and step.  He completely controls the woman’s experiences.  She gets to twirl around and he looks like h’s just doing a few steps, but the realty is she follows his movements and interpretation of the music completely.  The entire quality of her experience is on him.  It takes years for a man to get good, in part because even an experienced woman can’t teach him.  Whereas a woman can learn in a few sessions because she simply needs to respond to her partner.

So back to my salsa date, I did a fair job faking it for a man who had never even seen salsa dancing before.  but eventually she craved the real thing and I let her dance with a short old guy in his 60’s.  What a difference it was, and she loved it.  Not surprisingly, I never did sleep with her.  But I saw first hand how dating needs to be.  We as men must lead and take the time to learn how to lead right.  We can only learn through experience with some help from other men.  It’s an art just like dancing.  Maybe over time I’ll share how I’ve learned to do it right.  

Persistence

Life is at best bittersweet.  We all have ups and downs and often it’s how you respond to the downs that make the different between a happy and an unhappy life.  We have to embrace the challenges life throws at us, making progress on this frankly is what makes life satisfying.  If it were all ups and no downs we’d go crazy, like the young guys who make a fortune selling a company and wind up dead a few years later from a drug overdose.

I was reminded of this yesterday.  I’ve had this damn plantar wart on the left ball of my foot for years.  I was a runner and pounded it deep into my foot, and I didn’t treat it since It thought it was a callous.  It was only when it started to throw off my gait that I had it checked out and started treatment.
I started treatment 3 years ago.  This mean cryo-freezing my foot and limping on it for days – every 6 weeks.  For 3 fucking years.

It didn’t want to get better and I was sick of the painful process, but I stuck with it.  Last month the damn thing just up and disappeared.  It was big one day and a few days later it was like it never existed.  The treatments finally stimulated my immune system to eliminate the virus.

More detail than you wanted to know.  But a great little reminder of exactly how life is.  We have to know when to persevere, often for years without much feedback, but this is how to succeed.

A Lesson in Frame

Andrew Tate gets it right by hard-nexting his girl after she shit-talked him and his brother:

As a man you need to define clear boundaries with your women and you need to enforce them. Consistently. She will test them. She needs to feel that you will enforce them. It makes her feel safe and it’s an opportunity for her to “rub up against your internal strength” like a cat might rub up against your leg.

Withdrawing attention for a few moments, days, or permanently – depending on the infraction – is the best tool we as men have to enforce our boundaries and demonstrate our leadership to our women. It’s the prime example of leading in the daughter / daddy dynamic.

I see men fall down on this all the time. You have to enforce boundaries. And you have to be willing to leave your women at any time if she crosses the line.

Keep your game sharp so you always have options, and keep your frame sharp so you always enforce your boundaries.

A Merry Little Christmas

I hate Christmas.  That is to say I hate the consumerism under the guise of Christmas.  It’s become a Pavlovian stimulus to get people to buy shit, coupled with a media induced set of expectation of how to live and what to during December. 

I live my life how I want.  It’s perfect and Christmas is disruptive to that balance.  If I had my way every day would be a weekday.  Only those with shitty lives look forward to weekends and holidays. 
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This year though I had one of the best Christmas moments as an adult.  Every year I spend Christmas traveling.  My work makes us take 2 weeks off during the holidays and my city becomes dead during that time.

I’d go stir crazy if I stayed home doing nothing.  So I take the opportunity to explore new countries.

This year the girl I call “little me“, one of my regular girls, was spending some quality time with me before the break knowing it will be 3 plus weeks without seeing each other (like last year).

She teased me by playing Christmas music on my speakers knowing my grinchy ways.  But it just fit and so I let it roll.  We spent the day fucking and enjoying each other’s company all day, baking a paleo cake together in my kitchen. 

It felt natural, like it’s supposed to be.  I won’t ever have a monogamous relationship again.  But her and I have seen each other weekly now for almost 2 years.  She knows the deal and appreciates it and me for who I am.  She’s grown up a lot since we met and it feels good to have a girl who’s grown in to me. 

I’ll remember that day as one of the best adult Christmas’s ever.  No expectations, no gifts, just the joy of each other’s company and the long terms fruits of our growing together.

Women are Random

Had a great daygame session a few weekend back with Nash and another wing.  There was good (for my town) foot traffic due to the Christmas shipping, and we were all getting good sets.  More importantly our comradery was great and we were all enjoying the conversation between sets.  It can be hard to find good, like minded men.

I opened 5 sets and got 3 numbers.  2 flaked (I need to make my sets longer to get a strong hook point) but one was keen and I met up with her for drinks two days later.  She was a tall Columbia girl, and her big fuzzy winter jacket made an easy opener as I teased her.  I remember making a strong split second eye lock with her a minute or so in, and as so often it is these moments where a girl decides she’s going to sleep with you.

Our first date was OK, her energy was low with finals for school and her work schedule.  But I had her laughing and did some good kino and got her feeling good emotions.  I’ve had over 200 first dates in the last 2.5 years, so I feel my sense is fairly calibrated, and I sensed she’d agreed to a 2nd date invite, which is to say an invite to my place for sinner and (usually) sex.
But she didn’t respond to my text the next day.  Not a big deal, girls ghost me all the time, but I wondered how my calibration could be off.  I’ve been traveling a lot and mostly seeing my regular girls, so I figured i must be rusty.

10 days later she texts me out of the blue wishing me a good trip to Cambodia.  She even remembered the day I was leaving.  If I had to guess I’d say she knew the next date meant sex, so she put the breaks for any sex before knowing a 3 week trip was in the works (for her as well, she was going to spend winter break at home in Columbia).

Girls can be random.  We’ll see how this ends, to me it’s not big deal whatever happens.  But good to know my calibration is sharp as ever as I head to Cambodia and Thailand.  

June Epilogue (I wrote the above in December):

I continued to text the Colombian girl above about once a week through March, but with my travel schedule things never aligned for a second date. I let it drop.

In late May I was a bit bored and opened her again. The texting was on. We agreed to meet at a bar next to my place for late night drinks after she finished her waitressing shift.

Good flirting and touching and one drink in I bounced her to my place. Poured her a 2nd drink but she never finished it, we were fucking like wildcats. She had tremendous tits.

Around 2am we’re still going at it and she gets a phone call. We stop and she takes it. I can tell it’s her boyfriend (I had no idea she had one until the call). Cool as a cucumber she says she’s out with friends and she’ll be home soon.

I tell her with a smile it’s no big deal and she turns to me with with a sexy voice and says that I better finish soon. So we get back down to business.

I finally finish and she goes on her merry way home. I’m sure the boyfriend none the wiser. Her and I stay in touch but I haven’t seen her since, mostly due to her and my travel schedule.

If I had to guess she was bored of the live-in boyfriend and enjoyed having me as an option, and acted on it when she was at her horny time of the month. Secret society and the female dual mating strategy.

But also…women are random.

The Two Romantic Dynamics

I believe there are two main romantic templates between men and women.  They come from childhood and are hard wired into the human brain.  And I believe this sheds some light on what guys ado wrong these days and also hat we as men can do right.

For lack of better words to describe the two romantic templates (dynamics) a man can experience with a woman are:

  1. mommy / son
  2. daughter / daddy

Women experience the same two but I’ll explain it from the man’s perspective since that’s what I know.  We grow up as boys experience unconditional love from our mother (hopefully – if she didn’t provide this then the boy is fucked). 

A healthy mother loves you no matter what, and takes care of you.  As it should be.

The problem is that when boys grow up and start dating and start looking for this mommy / son dynamic in the women they date. 

Your girlfriend or wife is not your mother.  She can never love you unconditionally, only instead for what you ring to her life.  Most guys don’t understand this, and it is trying to make this dynamic work is the dynamic of the beta male.

The other romantic dynamic is daughter / daddy.  This is not meant as an Electra complex …but in that you are the man and you lead.  You are older and more experienced and you take care of things and also set boundaries.

A father does not rely on his daughter to take care of him or provide support, he does this for her.  Loving you for playing this role in her life is the only way a woman can love a man that’s not her actual father. 

And this love is entirely conditional. Unconditional love is saved for her children.

This dynamic is what women crave.  Whenever I have given this gift to women they are happy.  The burden of man is that he had to lead and support, and he can’t burden his women with his problems. 

In addition it helps to have an air of gravitas and mystery to her, just like she gets from her actual father.  This is a deeply ingrained template in our DNA, you can’t deviate from it.  

Men can only be loved unconditionally from their actual mother.  It’s a burden we bear but I can tell you from hard experience that the joy and feminine energy you will unleash in your women from doing this right offsets that downside. 

When she trusts you are strong enough to lead this dynamic she will feel safe and blossom with you.

Yoni Balls

I highly recommend Yoni Balls to teach your women to be more orgasmic.  Give them as a gift to any woman you’re dating.  All she has to do is wear the one that fits her like a tampon as she goes about her day.  Best if she works her way down to smaller ones as she goes.  It works by automatically strengthening her pelvic floor muscles.  If she sticks with this over a period of a few weeks to months on a daily basis she has a good chance of becoming multi-orgasmic.

One of the girls I’m seeing who I call “Little Me” tried them on the recommendation of one of her fellow yoga instructors.  She went from having 1-2 orgasms every time we had sex to having 5-10 every time.  That means cumming every few minutes while we fuck.  She can now have multiple in a row as well.  It’s amazing.

I gave these as gifts to two other girls I’ve been seeing regularly.  I enjoy being the one to lead them through experiencing the world in new ways and opening up their sexuality to what is possible for them.  This is the right leading frame for male / female polarity in a relationship.

Artsy Girl High

I walked artsy girl from my apartment back to her car.  She’s very low key, but this time she had an extra little spring in her step. She’s told me how I bring out her feminine side.  This from a girl who’s seduced other girls into being her girlfriend in the past.  And truly she’s one of the most feminine girls I’ve ever dated which says a lot.  A strong masculine man like me attracts the polar opposite, and it’s that polarity which makes good chemistry between men and women.  

But last night was a little extra.  There was an extra girlishness in her voice, something she usually keeps hidden.  We had our normal fun, dry humor and banter over dinner, and after I gave her two hours of the dominant, rough sex she’s been enjoying with me every week for months.  I had her repeat certain sexy things to me while I was fucking her, and my sense is that plus a strong mix of dominance blended with emotional connection, put her over the top.  Her arms and legs were quivering quite a lot afterwards, and I teased her because it was cute.  I’m not sure whether or not artsy girl has felt this before. 

Last night there was just a little extra spark, and it was good.  Maybe there’s the added dimension of me being older and experienced and knowing how to lead the dance between us.  But I can tell you this feels like how it’s meant to be.