Five years ago this month I was debating a decision. Should I leave my marriage and move to San Francisco, or should I stay in San Jose with my wife of 13 years. In the end the decision was clear and I moved to SF in March of 2014 and filed for divorce.
Within weeks my only regret was that I didn’t make the change sooner. I’ve had more personal growth and adventures in the past 5 years then I had in the prior 15. I’ll have to do an origin post sometime soon to share just how far I’ve come.
Five years later and I’ve found myself at a similar decision on where to live. Since my 2017 trips to Miami and Tokyo, I’ve been traveling as much as I can to find myself a new home base. My focus has been Asia, since I know western Europe well enough already from my years in London that I don’t want to live there.
The trips to Asia have taught me that I don’t like the tropical heat and that I prefer large, developed cities. Outside of Tokyo, Singapore, or possibly KL – Asia is not for me…at least for now.
Which is what brought me to NYC. This was my 6th lifetime trip, and every prior trip left me wanting more. The goal of this trip was to test drive New York at its worst. If I can be happier in NYC in the dead of winter it’s a clear upgrade from SF. And that’s exactly how it went.
As I’m writing this in the airport on the way home, as in 2014 in retrospect it feels like I’ve taken too long to make this decision. But here we are.
The start of the trip was rough due to the extreme 4 degree Fahrenheit (-16 Celsius) weather where it was painful to be outside. The winter gear I brought for the trip was woefully inadequate, and the 2nd floor walkup airbnb I rented in the East Village was poorly heated.
It took me about a week to get used to things, but as the weather got better and I bought better gear things fell in to place. I got what I wanted, NYC at its worst. And I’ve coming away feeling that NYC is home, just as in my past trips.
People make decisions based on emotion. We rationalize them later with facts. It’s true even for logical INTJ’s like myself. I remember I was talking to Red Quest over lunch about New York and it just hit me as I was talking that I’d made the decision.
Since then I’ve increasingly felt better and better about it. But here’s my list of why NYC is a better home base for me:
- NYC is cleaner. I didn’t see any human shit or sleeping junkies on the streets. I didn’t see a single drug dealer on the streets. There were way less homeless even though NYC has way more people.
- NYC is more walkable. This is a big deal for me and my ongoing pain issues, as sitting in a car aggravates my injuries.
- NYC feels about 10% cheaper, both rents and cost of living. I can move here with no impact to my day job and get paid the same. I’ll be running the numbers in detail come tax time next month.
- NYC is bigger. This is obvious, but it translates into more quantities of whatever type of thing you’re in to. There’s more to experience.
- NYC has a better male/female ratio. Red Quest recommended the book, “Dateonomics” which I’ve read. In it is actual data. SF has 40K college grad women aged 22-29, with 42K men in the same demographic. Manhattan has 115k college grad women aged 22-29 and only 83K men in the same demographic. There are more single women then men, and just more women in general. You can simply see it on the street. I get IOI’s in NYC everywhere I go. Girls also flake less and are generally easier to sleep with. I’ve broken down my dating experience for this trip on a separate post
- SF has very few extremely attractive women. These are still rare in NYC, but they exist. The opportunity is there to meet them via daygame, as I found when out with Runner.
Finally one of the best things about this trip were the solid guys I got to meet up with. Nash introduced me to his wing Runner, and we did two daygame sessions, and I met some of his wings as well.
I had a couple of great dinners with my friend J, and I met up with Red Quest, and then Red Quest and Long Burn the Fire as well. Lots of great conversation, I look forward to catching up more with all of these great guys when I return.
There is no endgame for me. I want the player’s life of freedom now more than ever, and I don’t feel any need for kids. I still will be focused on exploring eastern Europe this year and in the future, there may be places I prefer to NYC. I haven’t been east of Prague and that will change with my trip to Poland this May.
But in the meantime NYC is a clear upgrade and a great home base for my future adventures. I’ll be making the move this summer.